Thursday, July 24, 2008

Mom Struggles

You know that it is serious when I have a big, wordy post. It's that time again. Change and growth is all bittersweet. I love that the boys are growing and learning new things but it also brings on new challenges as well. Right when I have it all figured out, I get a hit to the head and feel humbled because all of a sudden I am FAR from having it all figured out. Let me expound a little bit.

Nap time and bed time had its challenges in the beginning but for awhile now it hasn't been too bad. For the most part, getting them down for their naps and for bed has gone smoothly. Until now!!! I used to be able to just wrap them up, cuddle for a minute and put them in their beds. They would fall asleep on their own and I could start with the next baby. Most of the time, the one that was waiting was a little fussy and impatient so I tended to get in a hurry in the whole process. Well, they are growing out of the wrap up/swaddle thing but I still use it as their cue that it is time to go to sleep. That has worked okay. Now that they are more mobile, it has greatly complicated things...basically it has rocked my little world!!! Right when I put them in their beds, they start rolling all over the place, lose their binkies and just start playing. So, I start over and have been cuddling them much longer before putting them down hoping to get them more to sleep before putting them down. This works at times and then other times doesn't at all. They'll be almost asleep and as soon as I lay them down, they are up! AHH!!!! Let me remind you that as all this is happening, my other child is somewhere in the background crying. Tends to play on my nerves a bit! So, needless to say, by the time bedtime rolls around my nerves are shot and I have close to ZERO patience left and by the time they are both asleep I am on the verge of tears. Carson is really hard right now just because he doesn't really like to be cuddled. He likes you to hold him and sit him on your lap but not so much the cuddle thing. I find myself thinking, what do I do with this child??? Just let him cry it out and get himself to sleep? I am finding that if I let him fuss a little, he'll then go to sleep a little easier. Sad but true.

So I ask, how do you put a baby to sleep at this age??? I'm at my whit's end here. I'm also trying to get them to drop their 3rd nap right now...that isn't going so well either!:) I feel like it would help to narrow it down to two naps and bedtime rather than having to put them down three times and then bed. It is just SO time consuming...when I'm doing it alone, it takes me forever before they are both happily snoozing.

One last thought, why did I ever think they would be okay...or that I would be okay with them sharing a room!!! That has been the hardest thing about it all. I will have just gotten one boy to sleep, start on the other just to find that in the process the sleeping baby is now awake! At this point, they are separated. I just can't handle it. It stresses me out big time. Carson's bed is the pack-and-play in the office right now. So, I walk back and forth from room to room trying get these boys asleep while feeling a bit like a crazy person!. I also feel guilty everytime I look at the empty crib and am feeling tempted to just move it to the other room. Here's my problem, the nursery is decorated so cute and it would throw it all off to move half of it out!!! Trivial, I know, but it really bugs me!!!:)

Alright all you genious mothers out there, HELP ME!!!!!


Jason, Amanda & Brayden said...

I'm afraid I'm no help Amy. I was never good at letting them cry (they have me wrapped arond their fingers)...although with Dillon I now have to. You've probably already tried this though, but Brayden really liked having a mobile. He would lay really well and watch that....they grow out of that as well, but it worked for me for awhile. And you have done so awesome with them so far..I bet you anything you have this conquered in no time :)

Katy said...

I'm no expert, but what is the point of putting him in a cute nursery if he won't sleep? It is like when my family used to go on vacation and without fail Brent (ages 6-12) would end up switching places with my mom and she would sit in the back because he bugged to crap out of everyone the whole time. Did my mom want to sit in back? NO... but she would rather do that then have her brain fried with the fighting and crying. Brent grew out of it though.

I guess my point is this... with Lucy I hated that I got the hang of some routine in her life and then she decided it was time to change things up. But I had to go with the flow. Nothing is forever... they will change in a few months again anyway. Don't change the nursery, just let the one sleep in the office... who cares, seriously... the cute stuff on the wall doesn't feel jipped, and your baby doesn't care? In my book, the most important thing is SANITY (at pretty much any cost (including very unhealthy snacks after your children are in bed, way too much baby einstein, skipping a bath multiple nights in a row, never ironing for your husbands shirts, not getting ready for the day, or even.. I dare say, letting your child cry it out in bed.
I don't even know if I made sense... but my philosophy is SANITY AT ALL COSTS. No more Amyonthevergeoftears everyday... that is not SANITY.

The Van Noys said...

So I totally agree with Katy!

Josh sometimes wonders why I let Carter tear the house to shreds...well because if I was to fight with him all day and tell him "No" every 5 seconds then I would go I get sanity in exchange for a messy house...I choose sanity...and blogging;)

Also...babies cry. That is what they do. Sometimes they cry for absolutely no reason except that they don't know how to do anything else...a baby lying in a crib is perfectly fine, even if it is crying. The baby is learning how to express frustration, let it out, calm down, and then go to sleep. Crying does not always mean they need you and want is just really a way for them to release and can actually be a form of self-soothing...even though the mother feels so bad and thinks that she is being "mean" or needs to rescue the child. Not so, not so. Carson crying and whimpering to sleep is perfectly OKAY and you should let him keep doing it. He knows it is bed time and he will eventually nod off...but think about the long day you had and how at times you could cry yourself to sleep...just a release.

I am not an expert...not wise...not much of anything...but babies that are fed, clean, and cozied up in a safe bed are just fine to cry it out. Ask your doctor...ask certain books. Don't feel bad. He is okay!!

I have had this same conversation with a bunch of mothers. And everyone who has let their child cry it out says that eventually the baby falls asleep and then learns to go down without fussing. It will happen...just don't give in...stick to your schedule...if the babies wail and wail for 45 minutes...just let them know you are there...but don't pick them up. Once you pick them up they will know that if they can keep crying for 45 minutes eventually you will pick them up. And remember you aren't being are teaching them to sleep which will make them happier and healthier...which means you will be happier.

The mothers who say they couldn't let them cry it out still have to lay with their toddlers to get them to sleep or the kids sleep with if this doesn't bother a mother then it is no big deal...but some mothers really care and wish their kids could sleep it is up to you!

I know things get frustrating...we are having sleep issues ourselves. Carter started out such a good sleeper. I always put him in his crib to sleep and he would always go to sleep by fact...there were times I wanted him to sleep with me and he wouldn't have it!....but then we uprooted him and 3 times and took him away from the he sleeps with us now! I really don't mind because he sleeps through the night...but he won't usually go to bed until we that is where it puts a little kink in things. I know when I am ready I can start training him to sleep in his own bed again...but right now I am content with him next to it is just about how you feel, and what you can do it!! They will learn....and once again I have spoken too much!!

Mel Cleland said...

Hey Amy! I am afraid I don't have any brilliant tips or ideas on how to get your cute boys to sleep. I just have a dog - and well - he sleeps when I do. Hmmm.... I just wanted to let you know I think your boys are adorable, and Brookney talks about them all the time.
Good luck with the sleepytime.. I hope it gets better for you. Stay in touch!

Phil said...

As a parent, I am qualified to say that babies cry. It tears me apart inside, but they cry.

With Chase, it seems like every week we have a new challenge with going to sleep (you can read about the latest episode here), but it seems like after checking the essentials, if he cries for a couple of minutes, he is more receptive to his pacifier, blanket, and sleep in general. Good luck!

Cheri said...

I'm having the same issue somewhat with Lily. She by far likes to play more than sleep. I have to trick her into it! My problem is keeping the other two in their rooms for their naps, while being upstairs with Lily trying to get her to go to sleep. When I'm about to have Lily out and she's on the verge of being gone, then I hear a cuboard opening up in the kitchen, I want to strangle the naughty child. We are down to one nap during the day. Once in a while Lily will fall asleep while she's nursing so I just lay her down where ever we are and she'll sleep for a bit. Mostly she sleeps in a pack and play by my bed. I haven't put her into her crib one time yet. It's downstairs in the girls room. Lily sleeps great in the pack n' play so I have no complaints.
I'm a really easy going kind of style so I just go with whatever works for all of us. I'm always working with four different people during the day so we obviously don't all agree, but we deal with it. I really hope things get better for you. I know exactly what it feels like to cry over this sort of thing. It's hard.

Kyle and Cara said...

No answers here. I hate to let Milo cry. i went to the doctor on Tuesday and they told me most babies sleep through the night by his age and I confirmed this in a book that I just read too. I'm feeling sorry for myself and tired on top of that (Milo was up 4 times last night). Anyway, my point is, should we feel sorry for ourselves over a blizzard or snowcone next week together?

Nate, Des, Sydney, & Jack said...

Good luck! I tried the whole crying thing with sydney...did it by the book, but it never worked. NEVER. and it made her 10x worse. even when she was awake it made her more clingy and quicker to cry. I found she mainly cried when she was getting teeth or sick (pretty much their whole first 2 years). So no advice, Jack is doing it now too...I have no idea what to do. I don't think I can do the cry thing after Syd. But it works for lots of other moms- so good luck.

Jason & Dana said...

Awwwww, I hate that time with the kids. I did the crying thing with Colby and Eva. So totally worth it in the end, but it was so horrible I think I had to leave the house and let Jason deal with it for the first couple of nights.
Anyway...I hope whatever works! Maybe if you did letting them cry it out they could both lay down at the same time and it would be kind of comforting to have each other there. Who knows.
Sorry, I don't know if any of this even made any sense, but good luck!!

Lara said...

Well first of all, thank you for writing this so that I can read and learn from what others say, cause I NEED IT TOO! I just seriously can't let Jax cry it out- I don't have any self control when it comes to that... so I rock him to sleep or let him fall asleep on my lap or lay by him in bed, then transport him to the crib.. I know, I know, so many people would have a problem with that, but the point is to do what works for you... but it's also tricky to find out what DOES work for you!! I admire the heck outta ya though for all that you do. Seriously, it takes an amazing person to be the mom of multiples.
OH.MY.GOSH. My husband just sat up straight in bed and asked what I did with my ninjas.. and if I shared them with anybody. Guess I need to find a better sleeping arrangement for him as well, cause obviously something's not working for him.. Next time can you post about what to do with sleeptalkers?

Corey said...

cute kids!!!!

Anonymous said...

Amy, I don't know if this will help you but it helped with Seanna. When I moved her to 2 naps the first nap I did was at 10 in the morning and let her sleep for 2 hours then wake her up and play have a snack/ lunch then her second nap I put her down around 2 in the afternoon and let her sleep for 2 hours then played had supper and put her to bed at 8. Right now I'm going through a little phase. Sometimes she wants a nap sometimes she doesn't. If she doesn't I still put her to bed and let her have quiet time. She can play all she wants in her room she just can't get out until I get her 2 hours later. Most of the time after she has played for a half hour she goes to sleep. I always had a toy with her in the bed so if she didn't sleep or would wake up in the middle of the night she had a toy and would play with it then fall back to sleep. It work with Sea I don't know if it will work for you. Good luck!
-The Lock-Smiths

chelzers said...

You've had so much good advice, but in the you have to do what works for you. I wish everything worked the same for everyone. Trial and error is the best way to figure this out, unfortunately.

The bst advice I can give you is to put them in their cribs awake, at the same time, and let them figure it out. There will be crying, there will be playing and there will be naps had without sleep what so ever. But they will sleep eventually. My girls figured it out after about two or three days tops (maybe after an entire day) and they had been separated for months. I'm no expert because I still have one that sleeps with me. But as katy said, SANITY wins every night. But I can tell you that having them sleep in the same room at the same time has been one of the greatest things ever. ever! But as was said too, things are always evolving, so, this too shall pass!! :D

ashley said...

I havent read what everyone else has written but I am sure that they have good advice for you. Of course, I have only had to deal with one baby (no offense, but thank goodness :) for now, so I havent really had this problem. But arnt you boys about 7 months? I think that they are old enough to cry a little to put themselves to sleep. I dont think that is bad parenting at all, even though it might be heart wrenching at first, it will be good for them to learn to sooth themselves to sleep without your help.
I would also say, keep them in seperate rooms for now, but sooner or later you are going to have to move them into the same room and it probably wont be easy. I would wait a little though until they falls asleep better on their own.
I feel for you, I really do. I thought one was hard. And dont worry, we all feel crazy once night time rolls around! Dave always has to remind me not to let out all my frusterations on him...I am working on it. But when he gets home from work I am like " Kinsey needs to go to bed right now or I am going to lose my mind!!" I love bedtime because it gives me a chance to rest and realize that I still love her! Maybe that sounds bad.