Thursday, July 29, 2010

On My Mind

I always have so many things that I am mentally logging for future blogging, and for whatever reason, I don't end up following through. I hate that. I so wish for more time in a day...that didn't also cut into my sleep time! Anyway, this is me trying to follow through.

First...confession. My name is Amy, and I am a craigslist-aholic...or something like that. Lately, most of my evening down-time has been spent cruising craigslist just waiting to click on something that will suit my fancy. And nothing super specific...but something. How pathetic am I? It all started with my family dining situation. I got the table, refinished it, loved it, and then went on the hunt for the perfect chairs to go with it. Not an easy task. In the mean time, I sold our set for a little pile of cash, bought new some chairs, refinished them to match the table, and then sold them for another little pile of cash. They were good, but weren't exactly what I wanted. The shape just wasn't right. And I was happy to make a profit on them (hmm...what else can I do this with?!). So the hunt continues. I think I've nailed down exactly the right chairs and I'm excited about it. So for the past two weeks we have been without kitchen chairs. But we do have a piano bench! During the day, the boys and I have been eating our meals while sitting on the kitchen floor. They think it's awesome. It's like a picnic...but...not. Close enough!

The bunk bed hunt is a whole 'nother story. Don't even get me started on the race to pick the perfect set up before the other lady does. She won.

In addition to craigslist-ing, I've also finally shed the 10+ pounds I've been stubbornly carrying around since I birthed the twins, almost 3 years ago (wow. I still can't even believe that). I had pretty much come to terms with the fact that I would never be the same, which I'm still not. My thoughts went a little something like,

"I'm a Mom now. This is what Mom's look like. And freak, for having twins with 3 months of bedrest, it could be a whole lot worse. So...ya...I'm good, and I'm embracing the new me!"

And honestly, I was good. But then Shane and I decided to kick it in gear, with a goal to be more healthy, not necassarily to lose weight. We've changed most of our eating habits and are excersising more, and we have both seen and felt the results. It is so much easier when you aren't doing it alone. I feel great and am proud of our efforts. Will you find me strutting my stuff in a bikini? Heck no. Outrageous stretch marks really do make up a permanent new me!
p.s. I still hate running.

My boys have also turned a corner. I don't know what happened, but they are so not babies anymore. I am repeatedly blown away as I have these long, drawn-out conversations that actually make sense! They are little people, with their own thoughts, ideas, preferences, and imaginations. I know you're thinking well, duh! But I swear it's happened overnight. I find myself just watching them play in pure amazement. Watching your kids learn, develop, and grow is one of the greatest things ever.

They have also grown a lot recently in terms of their relationships with each other. Now, watching the two of them try to have a conversation that makes sense is hilarious. The things they say to each other are laugh-out-loud funny. And they are playing together so much more. The other night, they played for an hour straight, right before bed, while I quickly put a coat of poly on my table, did the dishes, vacuumed, and folded laundry. HAL.LE.LU.JAH! I did my best to soak in the moment. It was awesome. Twins are awesome. They are awesome.

I'm just about finished with this book.

Have you read it? I got motivated to read it once I saw that it was being made into a movie. It is different from most of the books that I read. It isn't this page-turning fictional story. It's an honest "self-discovery" kind of book. I've enjoyed it, for the most part. I'm not in love with everything about her but I love her honesty. And her writing is clever and witty. I think that her journey is admirable and inspiring. Much of her journey is a spiritual one, and although, I don't necessarily agree with everything that is said, I thought so much of it was right on and so interesting to think about. I do feel that there can be a big difference tetween being religious and being spiritual. I hope to be both...easier said than done. I sometimes wish that I could leave my reality for a short time to only focus on my spirituality and my relationship with God. It can be hard and confusing in the midst of life and all that it entails. But I think this is how it is intended to be. Anyway, you should think about reading this book.

Speaking of spiritual things, I've been thinking and struggling a lot with finding a balance between what the Lord expects of us in terms of "doing" and also accepting and submitting to His will. Yes, we are expected to not only think and pray but to DO. Action is required. The Lord will not spoon-feed us, so to speak, just because we ask. And I tend to take this to heart, probably too much. I think, "I want it, so I WILL go and get it!" Control freak! But there is also the other side of accepting what will be and making yourself humble and submissive to what the Lord would have for you. How do you balance the two? I can't seem to figure it out, but I'm trying. I know that it must become a personal thing, between you and the Lord, attained through prayer and thoughtful listening. I know that we can feel at peace with the Lord's will, so why then is this so hard for me? This question is always on my mind.

Well, this was a start.


*LaUrA* said...

I know what you mean by "it happened overnight!" All of the sudden Carter is a little boy who can do most things all by himself. A fully functioning little human. How did this happen? It still amazes me too!

So when you say "a little pile of cash" I am wondering how much that means? haha. I imagine this little pile of green bills on your counter.

I am right there with you trying to figure out the balance. I also frustrate myself with being so spiritual and in tune at moments and committing to stay that way...only to find that the next day it is just easier to watch TV all day. So it is a continual circle of re-committing and re-assessing.

Amber said...

you do look so skinny by the way.

Katy said...

This was a great post. I can relate to almost every part except the Twins part. We had this fabulous family mtg where we each shared something spiritually meaningful that we had discovered this year. My sister talked about how she feels like a human 'doing' but the Lord really just wants her to be a human 'being'. I have thought a lot about that and how the things I DO or think I HAVE to do often get in the way of what I want to BE and need to spend actual time BEING. Sounds good on paper but it is hard to apply and I think takes practice.
I haven't seen your re-finished table. did I miss that post? I used to be a craigslist junkie- because SACREMENTO rocked! Twin stinks so bad that I look here and there. Sometimes I look in boise- because there is awesome stuff there. My advise: never go sell alone or let someone come to your house to look at something. I learned this lesson and got very creeped out.
great job on the weight loss!! feels amazing but stinks getting there!

julie said...

I searched for-EVER bunk beds. Ugh. And everytime I called, they were sold..even when it was 5 minutes after it was posted! I finally found AMAZING used ones at Furniture Outlet here in Twin.

Oh, and you read. You need to go to and sign up so you can rate all these books you're reading. We can be goodreads friends. :)

Nan and Aaron said...

Thanks for the thoughts Amy. Balance--definitely the hardest part of this life. But I think you do such a good job and the fact that you're even thinking about it and trying to be a better you is awesome. Missing you!

Cheri said...

Wow,this post is like a whole new Amy who writes out a whole lot of the same thoughts I have all the time.
That's great that you're taking care of your physical needs as well as spiritual. I have a spiritual/physical needs calendar on my wall where I write in everyday my scripture reading and any fitness stuff I do. I also record every time we do scripture reading with the kids and FHE and going to the temple. It's pretty fun to look at it month to month and see how I'm doing. Just a thought.