Thursday, April 8, 2010


That's the only word I can think of to describe how I have felt today. Mushy. And I'm not only referring to the squishy doughnut-shaped mush that sits atop my jeans. I think that I feel grateful most days for the life I have. But the level of gratitude is definitely higher on some days compared to others. Today was one of those high-level days. I've been soaking it in. And here's what got it flowing: my blog.

I started looking back into the whole blog to book thing today. By the way, did you know that helps you do this? I didn't until today. So far, it is super easy and seems reasonably priced but I still haven't pulled the trigger. But I'm sure I will sometime soon. It is something that I have decided is definitely worth doing. Sometimes I have the common battle inside my head about blogging. Why do it? Sometimes it seems...I don't know...indulgent maybe? I mean, who really cares anyway?! Well...I DO!!! I started looking back through my blog today as I was trying to do different things for a book. And before I know it, I'm only reading my old posts and completely stopped my whole project. And I was in tears. There you have it. All mushy! I so enjoyed reading it it almost...just like any other journal (except all those written before I was married!). I would be so sad to lose this thing that is floating around in wi-fi space. I definitely don't record everything on here, but a whole heck of a lot. And I don't have much more in some hidden journal. So for me, it is worth doing. And it is worth keeping.

I came across so many cute pictures of my boys as infants. And I felt myself mourning the loss of those times! I wish I wouldn't have wished so much of it away. Now I miss it. Those baby smiles make a Mom melt. The tininess is for such a brief moment and then it's gone. Sad. Every stage brings so much joy and love. I just wish I could bottle it up and save all those moments. I'm almost afraid that by the time my kids are grown, I will have completely forgotten them (and that would be where the reading of my blog from way-back-when comes in!). I want more baby moments. I don't know when or how it will happen but I know that I want it. I feel ungrateful to think that what I have isn't enough and that I want more. But I would be lying if I said that I didn't. Does that ache ever go away? In the end, no matter the situation, truly aligning your own will with the Father's will is HARD. And I stink at it. Baby steps.

So for now, I'm still mushy. Weepy even. But find me tomorrow morning around 6 am and that mushiness will have all but vanished! Oh the ebbs and flows of a woman's, and even more, a mother's emotions. Good thing I have a Saint for a husband.

Any good tips for going from blog to book?


des said...

I totally hear you! Syd and I will sit and scroll back through year and laugh and giggle. I love looking back, I wish I would have posted more about them and their silliness. so I do it now, even though-like you said- who cares! especially about that stuff.

So does cutest blog on the block publish it? i'll have to go over there and check it out. I need to do more research, its been a while. I feel like I should start printing it though, slowly.

Cara said...

Hey that is totally funny. I started making Milo a scrapbook yesterday and I was going to even ask you about what you had decided about the whole scrapbooking/blog to book thing today. I guess you just answered my question without me even asking it.

I want separate pages not bound in a book. I'll have to look into that. Hopefully someone does that.

Cheri said...

This is funny, I just went back through my whole blog a few weeks ago and almost made a post exactly like this one. I'm so glad that I decided to have a blog and record all these things that I otherwise would not have done. I don't really care if anyone else reads my blog because the value for me is preserving our memories. I love it!

As for babies growing up, I just gave my son his 7th birthday party, while my youngest was turning half a year old already. It kind of tore my heart out. I sincerly hope you are blessed with more children in the next few years, you deserve it.

Nan and Aaron said...

Check out aunt Jodi's facebook. She just asked the same questions and got some great feedback. I haven't checked out any of the options, but I need to. I was recently going through pics for a little family project and found myself doing the very same thingas you. Especially with my not so sweet almost 5-year-old---he was such an awesome baby. I guess we just need to enjoy every stage, 'cause they go soooo quick.

Huszar Family - Idaho said...

I'm feeling bad now, I didn't know you were weepy this day, you had Emery that afternoon, man you should have told me!
I am looking into the book thing too, I'll let you know what I find :-) I think you should have another baby :-) and keep enjoying each stage with the boys, all of our kiddos are growing sooo quick!!!

Justin and JoLyn said...

Yes Amy! Go to my profile--it's a couple comments down. Some of the responses were, cutest blog on the block, and a site called My friend who sent hers to blog to print brought her book to church today to show me, and it was super nice! Your blog is so heart felt. You must print it! Wouldn't you love to read your mother's feelings when she was raising you?
About the baby craving, I'm starting to wonder if it ever goes away too.

Claire said...

I felt mushy last week too actually. Baby pictures totally get to know, the ones of you holding them in the hospital. It's so precious and so unexplainable! I've been putting together a little video for Jaran for his graduation of all his accomplishments, etc, so of course, I put all of our kid's baby pictures in it, and ya, the time has gone so quickly and I get really teary looking at how much they've grown up and changed and how our lives have changed in the last 8 years. It helps me to try to enjoy each day more though, because life just goes by so fast!
Carter loves the Elmo song too. Isn't it so cute now that they're starting to sing? I love it! I like hearing about your boys because ours are in the same stages, so it's fun.

Anonymous said...

Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
I've been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

Thumbs up, and keep it going!