Our Life With Twins

Sometimes I still feel like I'm 14.

2012-01-30T12:51:00.004-07:00

I have written this entry a million times in my head, failing to ever really get it down. Then something happens that brings the subject back to the forefront. Today, it's on my mind. Here's my attempt to expound.

Do you ever feel like you are your own worst enemy? Like you have a million different personalities who are all at war with one another? Well, I do. Having studied various aspects that make up our personalities and relationships in college doesn't help my obsession. It only feeds it. I WAY over analyze things...people. People are just so fascinating...figuring out who they are, why they are the way they are, etc...which usually brings an understanding and new found respect and love for any particular person. And of course, I do this to myself as much as anyone else. Lucky Shane gets to listen to me babble beyond reason. Poor guy. Good thing he likes me.

I experience an inner battle every week while teaching piano. I have RED, assertive, blatant thoughts yelling in my head just dying to make it out into the open. Blocking those thoughts from ever leaving my mouth is the desire to please everyone, & be loved. So I filter, which most of the time is a good thing, in my opinion. But my roll in these moments is one of authority and expertise rather than peer. Trying to reach a balance between the two is difficult and we see parents walking this tight rope everyday...trying to figure out how to be both. In the end, I have students that LOVE me, but who (I don't think) really respect me as a teacher. Okay...so maybe there is still some respect...but no fear. I think I need to be a little scarier. Assertiveness has always been hard for me and I've gotten better, but I still feel the battle regularly. In the case of teaching, I struggle with the teacher I wish to be and the teacher I really am. It's a big deal me. Being a perfectionist just complicates my life!!!!!!! Week after week...it's exhausting.

Okay, new situation. I've been told many times that I can come across stuck-up, snotty, cold, intimidating, unapproachable, etc. This referring to peers, not students. I HATE this, not only because I want everyone and their dog to love me, but because I don't feel like it's who I am at all. No one thinks of themselves in that way, right? But first impressions can be a big deal...lasting, deal breakers even. I know that you can't control what other people think of you but you can control yourself (how many times did I hear this from my parents?!). So this is my mission: to never come across snotty or rude or intimidating. Ha! Talk about setting yourself up for failure. Doesn't stop me from trying though. But I am who I am and my personality gets the best of me. Seems the more I try to come across, I don't know...kind and likeable (what does that mean anyway) the more standoffish and unapproachable I become. It's like when you know a certain person is really funny and you think the only way they will like you is if you say something really funny. That's the exact moment that I become beyond awkward and super un-funny. For the life of me I can't think of anything clever or witty or funny. Just...awkward-ness. When it matters the most, I freeze and end up feeling like a complete social idiot. Does it seem like the older you get, the more socially awkward you become? I found myself in this exact situation this week...trying to be cool, likeable, non-snobbish, funny...and then I just defaulted, flopped. I am who I am. and I was mad at myself for it. In the end, I felt just like my 14-year-old-Jr. High-school-going self. She's not my most favorite person in the world. Shane and I often become Zoolander and ask..."Who am I? I guess I have a lot of things to ponder."

Okay. New situation. Let's talk about book club. This where my over-bearing and super opinionated self is released. That person I want to be when teaching piano but can't seem to find her. The person who I fear people are just wishing would SHUT-UP! Ya. That person. I think of the line from the Sara Bareilles song, "You've got opinions, man. We're all entitled to 'em. But I never asked." And I even prep myself for situations like book club. Like when I'm with my family. I become that stereo-typical oldest sister. Bad. I hate it! I take on that over-bearing role. It just spills out of me uncontrollably. I tell myself to just keep quiet. But I am who I am and seem to fail miserably.

Can we really change who we are, or will we always default? At the end of the day, I feel like I know who I am and, for the most part, like who I am. Getting others to know me like I know me and like me the way I like me is a whole other ball game. I hate that I care so much. But I am who I am, and I do.

That's my story. The end.

Week in Pictures...and Other Stragglers.

2012-01-29T19:58:00.010-07:00

This week was a good one, for the most part (I'm car-less at the moment but I'm not bugged). Here's a little tidbit.

Cade's long hair makes for some extra special bed head. I did my best to give him a haircut. It's not perfect but it looks a little cleaner. Kind of. This boy gave me some good moments today. In church he sat next to me on our bench with his arm extended up as far as it could go, which was just under the top of the bench. He rested his hand on my shoulder for about a FULL half hour. I think he was trying to be grown up and cute like his Dad. He was successful. I gave him a good squeeze and sat content and happy next to my little man. His sweet gesture is a memorable one.
In primary today the kids played a little game involving good choices, bad choices, and Skittles. They pulled a piece of paper out of the bag with a certain scenario listed, which was then read aloud. Depending on the choice, they removed or added a skittle to the jar. It was Cade's turn. He pulled out his piece of paper and instead of handing it to Sister Jones, he turned around and "read" his paper aloud. With great confidence and excitement he said, "It says, you are nice to your broder! I get a skittle!" Yes, he knows how to play the game!
I love being in primary with my boys. I find myself staring at them the whole time...just to watch their every move of participation and interaction. Carson makes his usual rounds with all the teachers. In passing he asks them the color of their cars, if they like to wear seat belts or sit in car seats, the names of their kids, where their houses are, and the color of their eyes. That boy is irresistible. That's all there is to it!!!
I attacked and conquered my pantry this week. The once full shelves above are now empty. Aw. I am on a roll in the organization/de-junking department. Few things bring me more satisfaction than throwing things away. After cleaning it out I would go stare, walk away for a bit, go back, stare some more. That made for a good day.
Primary activity= annual PJ Pancake Party! Michael (pictured above) is a great kid and takes my boys under his wing. I teach him piano so the boys get to play with him weekly. They cried the week that he didn't come. He helped them play musical chairs.
This is Carson showing me his CTR rock. Can you see it? Can you? Neither can I. He was actually pretending that it was his camera and was busy busy taking lots pictures. :)

Got my hairs cut. Short-er bangs. I like.

Silly hat day at preschool. Don't worry. I didn't take them to school naked or in PJ's.

These are back from November...Thanksgiving days at preschool.

Cutest little Indians!

Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert. I still can't believe we got to go this year. I have wanted to go every single year and never get tickets. Lindsay got her hands on some and we went a few days early before flying out to MS to go to the concert. Totally worth it!

Stephanie and I sang together with the Hymns of Thanksgiving. It was a great experience. It isn't too often that you get to sing wonderful music in honor of Thanksgiving. I'm so glad I got the opportunity and even more glad to have had a friend with me. Speaking of my friend. Stephanie had a big birthday this week and we had fun making it BIG. She put together one heck of a party. It was a full blown carnival. My boys LOVED it. Thanks for being a party girl Steph. We sure had fun.

More pics from the party to come.

Our quiet Sunday ended with Cade barfing up his entire meal right at the dinner table. He hasn't been feeling very well yesterday and today but I didn't see that coming. Ew. It was awful. On the up side, I got to use some new cleaning products that I've been anxious to try!
Monday morning here I come.

In a very small Nutshell

2012-01-25T18:12:00.004-07:00

A little reflection time. Now that we are a month into 2012, I've decided to take a quick look back at 2011.

Shane had his two-year anniversary with the Amalgamated Sugar Co. Still makin' lots of sugar! Great job for many reasons. STABLE. Good people. Family-friendly company. Promising opportunities for growth. Shane's job is such a HUGE blessing. He worked hard, hard for our family.
Carson and Cade turned 4 in 2011 and started preschool. Mrs. Patricia has been amazing and has such a way with these kiddos. They love her and she loves them. What more can you want for your children? I can't believe the amount of growth since the start of preschool. The boys play "preschool" regularly together at home and chant cute sayings and songs from school. It's the best. And let's not forget the 5 hours per week of FREE time. All. to. MYSELF! I almost feel guilty about it, but the guilt passes quickly. It has been wonderful. Shopping and cleaning were made so much easier in 2011.
Shane and I took on the name of "Ma and Pa" this last summer when we went on the pioneer Trek with our Stake. That is an experience I will never forget, for so many reasons. Our first meeting was held in January of 2011. I can't believe it's been a year since the planning was in full swing. P.S. I hate bonnets.
2011 didn't pass us by without a few downers...disappointment and hardship. I've mentioned my struggle with infertility a few times in the past. In 2011, this trial and I had a major duel...smack down...staring contest...disagreement...whatever you want to call it. At first glance you would think that it kicked my behind completely. Our first IVF transfer was in January...one year ago exactly. Our second was in July. In October I had surgery on my ovaries. Yes. We fought all year long. But I didn't lose. True...no baby. But I think the Lord had other things in mind for me. And for Shane. Faith must be tested. It is a given and absolutely necessary. My 'bout with faith this year promoted growth. And I feel that growth. Immensely. My testimony today is not the same as it was a year ago and the sense of peace I feel a year later is almost tangible to me. It is bright and clear to me that the Lord wants me to be close to Him. To seek Him and do all that He asks of me. And sometimes (most of the time) that means not always knowing the answers. I count my blessings everyday. They are plenty and my life is full. The Lord is very aware of me and my family and we most definitely did not lose this battle. Elder Uchtdorf said something beautiful that has stuck with me. His thoughts have been a sweet source of comfort and a tender mercy from my Father in Heaven. In referring to a woman who dwelt on the fact that she did not have children of her own, failing to recognize the children who surrounded her said,

"The lesson here is that if we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us. This is not to say that we should abandon hope or temper our goals. Never stop striving for the best that is within you. Never stop hoping for all of the righteous desires of your heart. But don’t close your eyes and hearts to the simple and elegant beauties of each day’s ordinary moments that make up a rich, well-lived life. The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy."

2011 was a year filled with a lot of everyday moments. Lunch at the park, evenings with piano students, trips to Fred Meyer, bike rides, loads of laundry, primary singing time, weekend date nights, hide and seek, popcorn and movies, time outs, holidays, haircuts, toilet cleaning, swimming, girls nights, garage sales, Sunday drives, trips to Twin...Utah...Mississipi..........

Yes. My life is very, very full.

Reception Time

2012-01-20T12:28:00.008-07:00

The best and most stressful part of the reception were all the little boys. Getting them all spiffed up was no easy task. My dad made sure everyone was dressed to the nines...tuxedos of course. There were 19 in all. Fitting, seeing how it's his business and all. Here are some of the cute cousins getting fitted.

This picture of Wesley cracks me up. He reminds us that being beautiful isn't easy. It can, in fact, be quite painful.

Dillon getting fitted by his Auntie Lauren (tuxedo pro!). She knew her time as an employee was inevitable. Just following suit! Dillon was quite studly and proud in his tuxedo. It was awesome.

And this little man...what can I say...he stole the show. Happy Caleb-Man wowed in his tux!

Grandma helped my boys get ready. I was frantically doing the bride's hair and pulling myself together. I'm kicking myself for failing to get good pictures of my boys in their tuxes. I had my camera but no SD card. Dang.

Trying to get a picture of all the cousins together was comical. In the end, we didn't really get any stellar pictures. But believe me, they were dashing...and crazy. They walked/ran around the gym during picture time in a single file line (Carson leading the team) chanting, "Nowm I know my ABCs, Nowm I know my ABCs." Their presence was felt by all. :)

And all the men...all 19! Handsome bunch.

And the lovely ladies of the night.

This is so funny. Aunt Carol (having it come from her makes it even funnier) sent a card for the bride and groom. It was addressed to "Aaron & Brittany." Not on purpose. I guess that was bound to happen right? Fortunately, (for Luke) the check was written out properly.

The reception was fun. It was great to see so many familiar faces and catch up with friends from home. It was a great party!

Luke Gets Hitched!

2012-01-19T13:00:00.008-07:00

As I've mentioned previously, my younger brother was engaged to be married. He and my older brother Aaron fell in love with sisters. What a great story. It's been an exciting last year...watching it all happen. Luke and Brittany are a great couple and we are so happy for them.

2 Brothers and 2 Sisters...just a few days before the wedding. I love this picture.

Being with our family in the temple to witness their sealing was well worth the all nighter. Brittany's dad performed the sealing ordinance. What a dream, right? It was a sweet experience.
We then headed out and played the waiting game. So of course, we took some pictures.

And......introducing Mr. and Mrs. Luke Chandler!!!!!!!

And then off to the luncheon! My parents have a hard time doing things half way. All or nothin'! Hence the beautiful forest. The ambiance was awesome. It smelled so, so good. The luncheon was filled with family, food, love, and lots of music. The Hobbs siblings sang, Chandler siblings sang, Hobbs & Chandlers together, and a cute duet by the bride and groom.

Children's Museum

2012-01-18T21:08:00.006-07:00

On our last day in Mississippi we were able to take the boys to the Children's Museum in Gulfport. It ended up being perfect for that day. We were scheduled to be at the airport at about 2pm. The flight out of Gulfport ended up being delayed 3 hours. We had a crazy long layover scheduled in Atlanta that ended up saving us in the end. 5 hour layover was cut down to an hour and a half and was the only reason we didn't miss our connecting flight to Salt Lake. Total blessing in disguise. So we played in Gulfport, on Annette's BirTHdaY, with time to spare! It was perfect...and the weather was beautiful.

Carson was there too. He ran around the place a little too quickly. But Shane did manage to get a few pictures of him. :)

This last picture is of Cade in the actual cockpit of one of our flights. How cool is that? The rest of the trip is a little hazy. Our flight into Salt Lake was a late one and fortunately the boys slept the whole time. It was nice. Except that Shane and I weren't really able to sleep. Here's when the fun began. We landed in Salt Lake at about 1am. By the time we got our luggage, out to the parking lot to pick up our Jeep, loaded and on the road it was 2 am. My brother was getting married the next day so we had to make our way to Twin Falls. We pulled off the freeway at 5am and the boys woke up for the day at 7am. and Mississippi time was an hour ahead. It was crazy. I asked Shane while we were driving...."When was the last time you were up this late?" "Ummm...NEVER!" I am just so grateful for clear, dry roads. Bad weather would surely have caused us to miss the wedding. We were being watched over. Phil and Brooke helped us with the boys the whole day so that we could be in the Temple and the Luncheon kid free. They are SAINTS! We ran on adrenaline the whole day and made it back to Boise that night so that Shane could get to work the next morning. We went back a day later for the reception. Crazy I tell ya!

Our time in Mississippi was precious. I am so, so, SO glad we were able to go. A big thank you to Tom and Annette for getting us there and allowing us to interrupt their busy lives. It was wonderful for us to spend time with them. I'm hoping the boys are old enough now that they'll remember this last trip. They sure loved being with Grandma and Grandpa Tucker. Their service and dedication are amazing to me. We have loved sharing just a small portion of their mission with them. We have been blessed because of righteous parents. I want to be like them when I grow up. Thank you, thank you to the best F.I.L and M.I.L out there! We love you.

Documenting the Day

2012-01-17T13:15:00.010-07:00

Our Christmas was low key. With only our two boys it seemed quiet but it was lovely. The one thing specific that Cade asked for was the Polar Express Train. And when I say specific, I mean specific. He can quickly look at any engine and tell you why it's not the right one...the bell isn't in the right position...or the color of the light isn't right....or freight car vs passenger car. I could go on. With Annette's help, the exact train was found and that was that. Both boys love it and can play with it, still, all day long. It really is a fun train and made Christmas extra magical.

Tom's brother Don and his wife Karla were able to be with us too which was wonderful. They treated Carson and Cade like their own grandchildren and were happy to respond to being called Grandma and Grandpa! And Karla was great about spending her mornings getting ready with Carson keeping her company. I really enjoyed getting to know them better.

December was wonderful. Having the boys at an age where they can now grasp the true meaning of Christmas made it the best yet. It was sweet to hear them tell me the story of Christ's birth and recognize the details that make it so beautiful. I love my Savior and have so much to be grateful for.

Christmas Eve

2012-01-16T21:08:00.007-07:00

Stockings hung. Check.

Soup in homemade bread bowls. Check. (not pictured)

Christmas Eve jammies. Check.

Pajama Parade. Check. Only a few pictures of the boys gettin' their groove on. Pictures of adults spazin'...and groovin'....those are sacred!

Finishing his somersault!

Nativity pieced together. Scriptures read. Check.

Santa makes his stop. Check. Christmas morning just around the corner!!!

Making an Impact

2012-01-14T18:02:00.001-07:00

Can you tell these two spent a week in the mission home with their missionary grandparents? Could there possibly be a better example for your little men???

Over the mountains and through the clouds....

2012-01-06T21:00:00.010-07:00

To Grandmother's house we go!!!

Well....first we had some airport meltdowns. This only after being in the airport for about 20 minutes. You can imagine the faces Shane and I were exchanging as we anticipated what the next 8 hours were going to look like.
These pictures of Carson were taken right before Juliann and Derek Hough walked right passed us. I have to admit...I was a bit star struck. I felt like I became just a little bit cooler that day just from seeing them. They are pretty people. :) Anyway...sidebar.
Our flights to Mississippi went okay. Could have been better...could have been much worse. No one needs me to tell them that flying with kids is difficult. Old news, right? We made it safe and sound and all got some renewed energy as we walked toward parents and grandparents. Unfortunately, I get the award for THE WORST picture taker of all time and didn't capture any of those sweet moments. For now they are still very fresh in my mind. Carson and Cade were happy to see their grandparents and quickly became their friendly, talkative selves. Cade later fell asleep sitting up at the table in our hotel room. That's a good visual for how we all felt at the end of the day. So is this....
The next morning we spent a little time in Gulfport before making our way into Jackson.

The coast was foggy, foggy but very beautiful.
Once we were settled in the mission home we played, played, played. Watching the boys make themselves at home was darling cute. Also a fresh image in my mind.

More...much more to come!

This Boy's Got STyLe!!!

2011-12-29T20:50:00.001-07:00

Festivities

2011-12-10T12:07:00.003-07:00

Man this is a fun month! We have been busy busy...wrapping presents and putting them under the tree. The boys went shopping with Shane during my piano night and came home and excitedly told me where they went and what they bought...for me of course. It was cute.

We have been watching Christmas movies and singing Christmas songs. They have been introduced to the original Rudolph and Frosty movies. Have you watched those recently?? Holy ancient!!! The abominable snowman is a sight to see! Anyway, they love them and now know very well the classic stories and songs that go with them. I used to quickly pass over these particular songs when they came on the radio and now I quickly turn them up and squeal with delight alongside my boys! Life really is more fun through the eyes of a child. It is especially cute to listen to the boys sing "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" as they drive their hot rods.

We have been baking! 116 cookies to be exact. We delivered lots of "Merry Kissmases." I knew this would be fun but I didn't anticipate how much C & C would enjoy it. It was like Trick-or-Treating all over again. They couldn't run up to each house fast enough...and fought over who would get to knock and ring the door bells. They would loudly exclaim "Merry Christmas" as each door opened. What a great family activity. We finished off the night at "Papa Joe's Pizza." LOVE that place. The pizza was divine and the cottage atmosphere was complete as our seats were right in front of the fire place. We came home, drank some eggnog and called it a night.

And of course we made another gingerbread train. The boys consumed loads of sugar and love admiring their work.

We leave in exactly one week to start our journey to the south. We will have a Mississippi Christmas this year and cannot wait. It has been tricky getting Christmas on a plane but we are ready! We have not seen Tom & Annette for almost 2 years. Our visit is well over-due. Just spending time with them will be my most favorite gift.
Merry Christmas!!!

Horseshoe Bend Train Ride

2011-12-10T11:05:00.002-07:00

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-12-10T11:04:00.001-07:00

Shane's been playing!

Winter Garden aGlow

2011-12-09T21:21:00.005-07:00

The night at the Idaho Botanical Garden was beautiful, fun with friends, and really super cold! Thank goodness they had unlimited hot chocolate and we took advantage of that. The train display was by far the highlight (surprise, surprise). It was a wonderful way to kick off the month of December!

Picture Time

2011-12-08T09:16:00.005-07:00

I bought a cheapo photo session with JC Penneys off of Groupon with low expectations. I decided to go with a classic more dressy look...knowing it would work well with the studio setting. I was pleasantly surprised with how the boys did. The man (who made me a little worried at first) ended up being the BEST photographer we've ever had, as far as interacting with the kids and getting them to smile. He had them giggling like crazy. Shane and I exchanged our surprised looks and then let him know that he was Gooood! That was one Groupon that was worth every penny!

These are just scans of the pics...so the quality isn't the best...but you get the gist.

This one is telling of their size difference. Crazy, right? Such handsome big boys.

Am I Four Today?

2011-12-05T21:08:00.018-07:00

The question I've been hearing for many, many weeks. "Mom, am I 4 today?" The day FINALLY came and my kids turned 4 years old. Whew! Made it! And boy did we par-tay. A little too much if you ask me. This year I was feeling grateful I only have one BIG birthday to conquer.
The partying started in Twin Falls at Grandma's house. We had a little pre-birthday-and-thanksgiving party. It was especially fun to have my Grandma Chandler there with us. She is the sweetest ever and always remembers all of her 50 Great-Grandchildren's birthday. Seriously. I want to be like her when I grow up!!!
We also loved having Chan-Man with us. He is hilarious and always makes things more fun. He wanted to show how old he was too.

Classic Chandler face. :)

After Thanksgiving we headed back to Boise in time to catch the Polar Express!!! The boys have been saving their pennies and filled their piggy banks in hopes to buy their train tickets. Between the two of them they saved $25.00. Not bad, eh?! They were out-of-control excited to get on that train!

It left out of Horseshoe Bend and went over the river and through the woods...to Santa's North Pole we go! Literally. The ride was so beautiful.

This picture is of Carson as we were waiting in line to talk with Santa. His latest favorite is to act like "a Fred Meyer guy" or "a McDonald's guy." He was ready and waiting to take everyone's order.

They each told Santa that they wanted a train for Christmas. And they aren't referring to a wooden Thomas the Train. They want an actual train. "A big one Mom." Santa may not pull through this year. :)
And of course...what's a fun trip without some tears. Too much of a good thing isn't always a good thing. That's what having kids has taught me. Having fun is fun...but having order and rules and sleep is also...fun!

And now the actual BIRTHDAY.

We now have a horse...thanks to the Scout Auction. I'm trying to be happy about. :) No...he's darling. He's just big. Our house doesn't do BIG very well. He might be a temporary family member. Craigslist just might be calling his name. No really though. He made the birthday so, so fun. He was such a great surprise for the boys. We got him for a good price and for a good cause. He just better behave or he's gettin' the boot.
My sweet friend Stephanie was the cherry on top. She has got major cake skills and was kind to make a cake for the boys...yet again. Carson wanted a puppy cake and Cade wanted every cake on the planet and then would change his mind and want something different. He finally settled on a firetruck and then she added two Dalmatian puppies (complete with little hats). Perfect. Both boys were satisfied.
We ended their big day with close friends & family. Cute little Emery...one of our bestest friends. It. Was. Crazy! But we did it. Carson and Cade felt special and loved...and the Mom is alive and well enough to blog about it!

I can't tell you enough how grateful I am for my 2 sons. They are our little miracles. I read a beautiful article in this month's Ensign by President Henry B. Eyring entitled "The Choice to be Grateful." He shares an experience about having the opportunity to give a blessing to a pre-mature baby. He explains that, "More than giving a blessing, I received the blessing myself of a more grateful heart." He continues, "I gave thanks on the way home for blessings to my children that I could see more clearly were miracles of kindness from God and good people around them." He put to words so much of what I've been feeling..."gratitude for the miracles of kindness from God." My boys are exactly that. Though I am not a perfect Mother, and quite honestly...struggle in my role, I try to be grateful everyday for the two miracles in my life. They are full of light and help me everyday to become better...the person I truly want to be.
I love them to the moon and back.

A Little More Thanksgiving

2011-11-28T14:11:00.006-07:00

These 3 had a great Thanksgiving just by being together. And it was even better as they ate Peanut Butter and Jelly with Jello for their grand Thanksgiving meal!

My mother has a gift for making things beautiful. There is always a wonderful atmosphere and feeling in her home. This might be what I love the very most about going home. Thanks to her, we had a lovely meal.

Not complete without a picture like this!
After we were nice and full, we headed to the canyon rim trail for a brisk walk. To no surprise, my Dad turned it into a big event complete with competition and LOTS of rules and regulations and a prize. We had a speed-walking race. It was awesome. And we all learned some new things about one another. We learned that Brittany has mad speed-walking skills and should go pro...and that she has quite the competitive spirit. We learned that Chandler loves to run and that Cade loves to take his time and stop to smell the roses...or throw rocks. We learned that Wynn will do whatever it takes to win, even stretching the rules a bit (aka cheating!). We learned that Lauren likes to bask in the wind and take glorious pictures, and we learned that my Dad doesn't have a competitive bone in his body and doesn't have a future in speed-walking!
Dad and Cade bringing up the rear!!!

And they made it!!! Aside from Wynn's sneaky moves, Brittany and Lauren came to the finish line with a pretty close tie. Unfortunately, we had to hit the road before the award ceremonies. I'm sure it was....long with debate :)!!!
Thanksgiving was wonderful this year. I had the opportunity to sing with the Hymns of Thanksgiving. It was such a blessing and made my Thanksgiving much more meaningful. I am grateful for so many things, music being close the top of the list.
Our conversation around the table was tender and wonderful. Reflecting with my family about all that the Lord has blessed us with reminded me of the amazing family I've been given. I can't express enough how wonderful they are and how grateful I am that they are mine.

Now...let the birthday festivities commence!!!

Thanksgiving Girl-i-ness (yes...it's a word!)

2011-11-26T22:38:00.007-07:00

Something happens inside of me when I get with my sisters. I try to resist and act really mature. But who am I kidding?! I turn into a teenage girl again. It's true...and fun. I want to do girly things. Things that probably happen during every BFF sleep-over. This time it was extra exciting because of Brittany. Did I mention that my younger brother Luke is engaged? He is marrying Brittany Hobbs in December. My older brother is also married to a Hobbs gal...Natalie. Natalie and Brittany are sisters. Crazy right?! My only two brothers will be married to sisters. I told Natalie that it really isn't fair that she gets to have an actual sister as a part of her in-law family. It has been fun to watch this all happen this last year (extra fun for Aaron and Nan, of course). Anyway, we had the perfect excuse to be girly. We planned a hair party with the bride-to-be. It was awesome. Brittany has lots and lots of THICK, gorgeous hair. This was no easy feat to get it all up. In fact, when all was said and done we played "guess how many bobby pins are in Brittany's hair." She took down all of our guesses and then meticulously counted them as they were pulled out. Ready for the grand total....93. Holy bobby pins!

And then it kept going. I made Lauren sport the halo.

We took a walk/speed walking race on Thanksgiving Day. I started with some pics of Lauren's hair and it all went down, I mean up hill from there. She couldn't help but to pull out some model-esque poses. I can't look at these without busting up.

To top it all off, we gave each other manicures. We even got Grandma in on the fun. After some begging, she gave in and choose a sheer gloss.
I love having sisters and I love that they are my best friends. Spending time with them is something that I get giddy about...teenage girl! The two days I had with my family for Thanksgiving was just what I needed.
I will now try to sleep and push away all of the emotions I am having as my boys will wake up as FOUR-YEAR-OLDS!!!

Sweet Skills and a Dog

2011-11-21T10:53:00.004-07:00

I'n gonna eat you!

2011-11-21T09:29:00.004-07:00

Funnies

2011-11-09T13:26:00.004-07:00

We've been growing Cade's hair out. I'm a fan. He has good long hair...it just lays nice. I spiked it up out of the tub to let him see his funny long hair. He looked at himself and did his best to not show any amusement...tried to hid his smile. Kind of like he did for these pictures.

And then, of course, Carson followed suit.

Lately, I feel like my boys' brains are transparent. They say exactly what they are thinking and are getting to an age where expressing themselves is not an issue. Nope, no problems there! They both just talk and talk and talk. To anyone. People love them because of how much they talk and take interest in others. Their curiosity keeps growing and the questions they ask are just cute. They want to figure out EVERYTHING...which leads to LOTS of questions.

Today, Carson asked me how the clouds come up. "Hey Mom, who makes the clowns up? Who does the clowns?" Umm...Heavenly Father makes the clouds come out. "Mom, what he do it wif? How He do it? Wif a button Mom? He just push a button Mom?" I just had to laugh. Classic Carson thinking. I tried to tell him that Heavenly Father doesn't use a button but he wasn't having it. Button it is!

Later in the morning while the boys were playing in the bath tub, I asked them what they wanted Santa to bring them. I ask this a lot...because I never really get answers...so I keep trying. They just don't get stuck on things. They will see movies and toys that they love (I keep walking down toy aisles with them) but then they never think twice about them again. They don't dwell...they just easily move on. So I made a few suggestions, which they were both fine with. But then Carson quickly started asking more classic questions. "What car Santa have? What kind his car?" I explained that Santa doesn't have a car but a sleigh. Carson just stared at me with his big blue eyes and said quietly..."Santa doesn't have a car? But Mom that makes me so so sad." For the first time, I also felt a little sad that Santa doesn't have a car. Poor, poor St. Nick.

Cade is Mr. Independent (during the Primary Program he stood up, looked at the Primary President standing next to him and said into the microphone, "I can do it by myself." And he did...perfectly!) and he has fully embraced the land of "MaKE BeLIeVE." I love to watch him play pretend...because I can remember doing the same thing. And he can stay in that world all day. His darling (girl)friend Sage has helped in this department. She has shown him the ropes and I am so grateful. Cade is always telling me who to pretend to be and the things I should say. "Okay Mom, petend you are Grandma Tucker and I am a dog...but I'm sad okay?" "Petend I am a monster and you are Mrs. Patricia...okay Mom?" We have long, long conversations in his desired fashion. He is testing my own creativity and imagination!

He and Carson love to play Primary. They stand up on our stool and say random phrases and prayers into a "petend" microphone. And then they stand up on the coffee table and belt primary songs at the top of their lungs and address each other as "Sister Tucker." Awesome.

People always say how wonderful it is to view life from a child's perspective. How very true this is. We are sure enjoying our boys. They are at such a great age right now...I want to freeze them in time.

Looking at them reminds me daily that the Lord loves me.

The Fast and The Furious

2011-10-31T20:37:00.004-06:00

As you can see, our night was a success. They got this thing DOWN! The boys literally RAN from house to house to house. Towards the end, Carson would hang out at every door and have long funny conversations...asking his famous questions..."Where's your Dad/Mom? What's your car? Can I close your door?!" That boy cracks everyone up. Funny boy. We had to force them to stop and only got them to by bribing with their collected candy. They loved trick or treating with their friends and then got a kick out of handing out candy when we got home. They were so excited to see what the trick-or-treaters at the door would look like. It was so fun. I want them to stay cute like this forever. It's just too fun.
Happy Halloween!!!

What the Devil???

2011-10-28T11:47:00.005-06:00

I had a Halloween Piano Recital this week. In the past I've waited and held a Christmas Recital, but it is always such a busy month and it just ends up adding too much stress every December. This year I mixed things up with the Halloween Recital. It was so, so fun! The students came in costume to play their spooky tunes and the room was filled with so much excitement...it was totally the costumes. They added such a fun dimension to the performing. It was a huge success.

Behold, the Devil, I mean...the Teacher.....! (hopefully this is not how they see me every week)

and a few of the other costumes...

Knight

Butterfly and Little Geisha

Ingrid

The Biebs (we had some Bieber fever!) and Officer Loveland

Nerd, Jester, Ballerina, and Football Player

They got my genes. :)

Check out this hunk! I think the stache is quite becoming on him.

I love that I get to teach music. Although it can still feel like any job, it is so fulfilling. And it is a sacrifice for my little family. I couldn't do it without so much support from the hunk. My little family (devilish and all) is amazing. I'm a lucky girl.

Sneak Peek

2011-10-24T21:45:00.003-06:00

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

No Ordinary School Day

2011-10-24T12:42:00.002-06:00

This day was FIeLD TriP DAy!!! Off to the fire station.

Pumpkin Pie

2011-10-22T21:48:00.003-06:00

We made our annual trip to the Pumkin Patch. Cade kept calling it the pumpkin pie...and he calls candy corns unicorns. I've reminded him so many times but it doesn't seem to stick. I'm okay with that.
The weather was beautiful. I wish it was like this all year long. The boys did awesome and we had a great time.

Riding the ponies was the highlight. They felt like real cowboys.

Cade is quite the ladies man.

Family picture. Yes...another with the boys in their broncos shirts. Another game day. Is the season over yet?!
Like the little pumpkin that Carson picked out?
Fun day.

Skeleton Strikes Again

2011-10-17T21:32:00.004-06:00

Beware the wii playing, wrestler in training, boxing SKelEToN!!!!

Professional Wrestlers In Training

2011-10-12T12:24:00.003-06:00

Talk about making a Mother proud!

My Version Of The...

2011-10-12T11:44:00.003-06:00

Green Belt

2011-10-08T14:33:00.004-06:00

We hit somewhat of a milestone in our li'l family. We went on a bike ride...meaning...all four of us rode our own bikes. And not just down the sidewalk by our house. On the Green Belt. Oh ya. It was a risky move but it awesome!

We watched the Saturday morning session of General Conference, stuffed our faces with sticky buns, and then loaded up the bikes and set off in between sessions. The weather was beautiful and we did it all with friends. It was risky because it was an especially busy day downtown...it was game day. But it made it even more fun.

I love where I live. I've mentioned that before, but I just really do. This forever long path is so fun and so beautiful. It gave us the chance to teach the boys to stay on the right side of the "road." They loved acting like they were driving all by themselves on a road. It was a high traffic day so obeying the traffic laws was a little more crucial. We road by the river, through trees, tunnels, and over bridges.

We even got to ride right behind the stadium where the game was happening live. There's nothing quite like college football...especially when you get up close and personal with all of the passionate tail-gators. Good place to people watch. It was exciting and the boys loved it.

We ended our ride at a park downtown. Perfect. I'm proud of my little men. They are fast on their little bikes. We rode quite a ways and they had no problem keeping up. I love my family...my husband and my kids. Conference was wonderful as usual. All weekend I was certainly reminded of all of my blessings.

This Is How We Roll!

2011-10-04T21:39:00.000-06:00

Creative Juices

2011-10-02T19:45:00.002-06:00

A couple weeks ago we had some little friends over while their parents had a date night. After being at our house for 15 minutes or so we all found ourselves staring at each other asking the classic question..."Uh, what should we do guys?" Shane suggested we make a movie and Jaxon, who is a cute first grader, lit up with excitement. We scrounged up any "dress ups" from around the house (aka...halloween stuff since we aren't stalked in the dress up department). We made do with the few things we could find.

I'm pretty sure we are ready for Hollywood. I mean, we started with a beyond creative script and story which included two little ones being held captive by the big, bad...skeleton...being saved by the lovable humble guy who happened to come into contact with a "magic fairy." Total winner. Add that to our incredible actors. They are oozing with natural ability and really are just what you would call "raw talent." Plus, the editing is just beautiful. I'll just let the movie speak for itself. Without further ado, I present to you...

Skeletor

Faith

2011-09-29T12:14:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about faith lately. Actually for a long time. Faith isn't something that I've felt like I've really struggled with. Having faith has come easily and naturally, even without a lot of understanding of all things spiritual. I'm optimistic and hopeful. So in my mind, I guess I've always felt like a faithful person. Until recently.

Let me clarify. Do I still feel like a faithful person? Absolutely. I think. Maybe? I guess I have been thinking more about what that means, exactly. Faith isn't something that is always tangible and that's where I can struggle. I like things to be black and white. So I've been reading and studying a little on the topic of faith.

Today I read Ether 12 which is full of words on faith. Some great reminders of receiving "no witness until after the trial of your faith". "They obtained not the promise until after their faith. And neither at any time hath any wrought miracles until after their faith; wherefore they first believed in the Son of God." I naturally thought to myself...am I a faithful person? I can say that I have faith and quickly read through this thinking...yep...I'm good. But today was different. Instead of moving on without much thought like most days, the thought crossed my mind....this is all good and sounds great but now what? Just tell me what to do! Tell me what faith looks like. Show me how to show my faith. Black and white! To my surprise another scripture popped into my head, which pretty much never happens. I'm not a super scriptorian and mostly can never remember what I read or where I read it. This time I even remembered where to find the scripture (thank you seminary). It is simple and straightforward. "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise" (D&C 82: 10). And "If you love me, keep my commandments." So simple but so profound to me today. Exactly what I needed. How do I show my faith? I DO what He says. I keep His commandments. My actions should reflect my faith. I can't just think that I'm a faithful person. I must be a faithful person. I quickly thought about all of the good things that I'm not always doing. As always, I have much room for improvement.

Now I know that keeping the commandments and staying the course doesn't relieve me from my trials and pain. But it does bring peace and comfort. It is a daily reminder that the Lord is aware of me and helps me to keep an eternal perspective. Life will always be unpredictable and full of hardship. Showing faith is one thing that I can control; a choice I can make to better my days.

During last General Conference Elder Nelson included this in his talk on faith:

"Our beloved President Thomas S. Monson has given us his prophetic witness. He said: 'I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith'."

I am looking forward to conference this weekend. No doubt there will be more words of wisdom and direction regarding faith. I am ready and waiting.

Par-Tay!

2011-09-25T19:45:00.005-06:00

Here's what I've decided. Everyone needs a friend obsessed with birthdays! It really makes the whole birthday thing a completely different experience! For me, at least. Meet Stephanie. She is that person.
Not only does she love birthdays (and celebrates for an entire week), but she is a game player and loves to make amazing cakes. She even has a cake blog. Combine everything together...BiRTdaY PaRTaY!!! I was in good hands.

One of the games we decided to play was "Minute To Win It." You might remember this from last December...played it with my fam over Christmas. It was a hit. We managed a few pictures from it...not enough (from the whole party really). Jake and Stephanie attempted "tortilla head." (flip the tortilla up off the flipper and catch it on your head)

...And the excitement captured as Steph caught it on her FIRST attempt. I think she's been practicing...

And Tiffany totally rocked "elephant trunk." Creamed her husband's time.

Candles! We got creative...turning the 3 into an 8. It worked!

The cake was a chocolate 100 grand caramel cake. Need I say more???

I honestly can't remember the last time I had like a real adult birthday party...no kids, games, gifts, and food. I forget how fun they are! We might just have to do it again!

I'm happy I was borned and feel gratitude for my beautiful life. I have so much to be grateful for. My Mom reminded me of that. In her birthday love note to me, she reminded me to count my blessings. What great birthday counsel. Talk about becoming older and wiser! She is amongst my greatest blessings. This last week I was reminded that the Lord often shows us love through other people, and that I can do better in this regard. So hooray for birthdays....for the fun and love they bring! Only 363 days 'til my next one.

Happy Birthday Gone Silly

2011-09-23T08:45:00.003-06:00

Today is my BiRThDAy!!!!!! This is the birthday song I was graced with. Typical day with my boys. One thing is for sure. These two do not lack a sense of humor. They are full of silly. Cade let me know that he would not be baking me a cake today. He said I had to wait until Christmas. I think he's confused.
Happy Birthday to ME!

Simple Pleasures Part 2

2011-09-17T22:43:00.006-06:00

Squirt bottles=a Tucker household favorite, as of late. And why wouldn't they be? So many fun options with water and when you have played so hard that you are feeling parched, you have a drink ready and waiting. They started getting a little silly with them the other day, I couldn't help but to snap away.

Then Cade wanted to try his hand at the camera and I gave in. His pictures below.

The boys were so excited to take their daily bike ride with their squirt bottles. We had to stop every 15 feet so that they could water plants, attack ants and imaginary grasshoppers. Stopping to notice all the little things. Thank you to the squirt bottles for helping us to slow down and stop to "smell the roses"...or...kill ants.
I understand that I am their mother, but man, they are just the cutest ever.

Simple Pleasures

2011-09-16T13:58:00.006-06:00

Can anyone guess who these box-heads are? They are Cat in the Hat of course! Surprised you didn't know that. They played like this for an hour. The one of them sitting on the carpet is them taking a ride in the "Thingamajigger." Cade was the driver and Carson sang the song in the background..."Here we go, go, go, go...on an adventure!" Their little imaginations are the best!

Summer Loves

2011-09-15T14:34:00.010-06:00

Our summer was filled with lots of great stuff. One of which was the infamous Harry Potter. He entered our home and took over for quite some time. Now, I know many of you out there think that my life and purpose will never quite be made complete without reading the Harry Potter series. That I will have a forever void in my life. A missing piece. You might be right. I have thought about getting started many times...read the 1st one even...and stopped there. But I'm done thinking about reading the books. It's looks like it's just not gonna happen. So to make up for that gaping hole in my life, Shane and I decided to have a Harry Potter movie marathon. Watching all the movies back to back confirmed my resolve to skip the books. Holy long! Honestly. It took us an accumulated 24+ hours to complete the movies. Thinking about the hours I would need to dedicate to the books completely wipes out any motivation. So even though I'm an avid reader and promoter of books, I'm totally recommending the movie route on this one (I'm sure many of you are cringing at the thought!). But it was great. Watching them back to back was exciting and a fun evening ritual with Shane (granted he's more of a movie-sleeper than a movie-watcher!). We had to watch short bits at a time to get him through them with his eyes open.
We went to the theater to see the finale. Thank you Harry Potter for keeping our summer days filled with suspense, imagination, humor, magic, and fierce bravery. We want to be like you when we grow up.
Another summer movie favorite was The Help.
As far as movies doing books justice, I think this one did just that. I just loved it. Loved the book. Loved the movie. I'm anxious to watch it again.

After Shane said good-night to Harry Potter and succumbed to sleep, I did go back to reading. I left the school of Hogwarts and entered the world of.....pAreNTinG!! I have read a few different parenting books and this has by far been my favorite. I'm a believer in Love & Logic. These have been SO helpful and almost therapeutic for me. I feel completely validated and also feel so much motivation to do better and be a better mom to my young boys. I highly recommend these books. I've read two: the one geared to the younger years and also one geared toward children with extra energy and attention needs. They are both fantastic.
Another something consuming my time is none other than my hair. My hair is longer than it's been since the 3rd grade...alright...maybe the 6th grade. Most days I like it. Days that I'm ready to chop it are days that I don't take the time to do it. On those days I just think, why have long hair when it's all flat and stringy and gross? Fortunately, I do enjoy doing it, and I get excited to try new things. It has become a little bit of an obsession. My latest hobby. I have spent too much time watching tutorials and reading styling and product tips, but I have also learned lots. Who knew there were so many different curling techniques and that they really do made a huge difference on the look of your curl? I've never really known how to braid and now I do! I even attempted the "halo braid."

This was the first time I tried it. I've gotten better since.

This is another fun idea.

These are my favorite sites to follow:
Hairdresser on Fire
The Beauty Department
Nature's Knockout
Watching tutorials and doing different fun things keeps me enjoying my hair and away from always wanting something different. It's easy to chronically want what you don't or can't have. At least for now, I am trying to love what I do have...before it's hacked off again!

I'm trying to get myself excited about the fall. Summer went too fast. My house is decorated for the new season. Makes such a difference in my attitude. It makes adjusting to the change much more fun. Our subdivision is lined with lots and lots and lots of trees. They are beautiful in the fall. Their leaves are starting to change.

Now if we could just freeze them (and Carson and Cade) in time for awhile that would make me happy. I miss these two.

Labor Day

2011-09-08T13:00:00.004-06:00

On a whim, we decided to take one last summer hurrah over the Labor Day holiday. We made our way to Lindsay's and played. We played HARD. The little cousins were in heaven and did great. We did lots of fun things: went to Provo and played with Luke at "Kangaroo Zoo," ate yummy food, shopped, watched football, took the boys the little mini indoor fair called "Jungle Jim's," drank lots of Sonic, and last but certainly not least rode the tracks. This simple and cheap activity was like Christmas morning. They were just so excited, it was contagious. I love living life through my children's eyes. Helps me to appreciate all the little things.

Walking over to the "station."

"All Aboard!"

The weekend was great. We ran the kids into the ground...hence the reason for their recent 3 hour naps. They are still recovering. Cousins are the best. Travel is starting to get easier which is AWESOME. With their 12+ hours in the car, only one movie was watched. We have a trip to Mississippi in our future and after this last weekend I'm having that "bring it on!" attitude.

Growing Up

2011-09-07T18:48:00.004-06:00

Can you believe these two have entered the world of preschool? I sure can't. Tuesday was their day and it went well. They were excited, brave, talkative, and as cute as ever. Their teacher is amazing and they will have a great year, no doubt. I'm feeling a bit like an empty-nester or something. Strange to have so much down time in a quiet house. Strange and pretty darn lovely!!!

"Huh? We have to actually go learn something...and sit still?? Maybe this school thing isn't for me!"

These days when Cade gets excited, he acts like a monster. This was his initial reaction when he saw his buddy Emery. They talked about their cool backpacks and squealed with excitement. It was cute.

Love that face!

And this face too.

I wasn't feeling emotional. Had myself together. Then I read the poem sent home with all the Moms:

"The First Day"
I gave you a little wink and smile
As you entered my room today.
For I know how hard it is to leave
And know your child must stay.
You've been with him for years now
And have been a loving guide,
But now, alas, the time has come
To leave him at my side.
Just know that as you drive away
And tears down your cheeks may flow
I'll love him as I would my own
And help him learn and grow.
For as a parent, I too know
How quickly the years do pass
And that one day it was my turn
To take my child to class.
So please put your mind at ease
And cry those tears no more
For I will love him and take him in
When you leave him at my door.

I was happy that they both decided to come home. Cade slept with his construction paper headband, aka fireman hat, that night.

A few other cute little things about these two. This last Sunday we were visitors in my sister's ward. In primary they asked the boys to come up and introduce themselves. They walked up and Cade eagerly said with his head tilted and his half smile, "I'm Cade and this is Carson and we are really big!" Carson then ran up around the podium and up to the mic as they sang to them. His heavy breathing in the mic was a nice touch.

Tonight at dinner it was Carson's turn to say prayer. When he paused for help, Cade jumped to his rescue. This is what he directed Carson to say: "Thank you for our bikes, and we want to eat our food by ourselves, and we want to play a long time and ride our bikes." At least he hit the most important things. :)

Carson took a long 3 hour nap today. He opened his door, walked out all squinty-eyed and disoriented and asked, "Am I 4 today?" They both have their birthday on the brain. Still have a while to wait little boys!

So many cute things coming out of their mouths everyday. I wish I didn't forget them so quickly. With these two at my side, life is good.

Fairy Tale

2011-08-29T12:49:00.007-06:00

Shane and I are celebrating 8 years of marriage today. Seems crazy that it was a whole year ago that we were celebrating our 7th in beautiful McCall. Aww. That was a good weekend. We were talking about how we were wishing we were there again. But we're not. Shane is hard at work, and so am I. You can't expect fairy tale anniversaries every year, right? We are going out tonight for many hours without the kids and it's going to be great. That in and of itself is pretty much a fairy tale in my mind.

My friend recently celebrated an anniversary and blogged about it. I commented that I would just reference her anniversary post for mine. She thought I was kidding. I wasn't. Hope she doesn't mind! But is was so good. So funny. So real. Shane read it and had the same thoughts. Go read it.

And just so this is not a complete cop-out. Here are a few little tidbits about us:

We've moved only ONCE in our entire marriage. On top of that, we didn't even move cities, just across town. Boise is our home of all eight years.
We love to go out to eat. Oddly enough, we don't have an absolute favorite/default place we always go and we are bugged by that a little. And we've lived here forever! It's like we can't remember what we loved so much about a certain place to return time after time after time. We aren't at all picky and will go anywhere anytime but we're slow to come up with a great place all on our own. Maybe we're a little dense? Took us forever to decide where to go tonight...no stand-outs, see?! We are going somewhere we've never been...maybe this will be "the" place!
We also watch and rent movies a lot. I am a complete remote control freak. I can't watch a movie without having all remotes needed at my side. I really can't. No one controlling the volume but me! Shane is always a little annoyed. :)
Right after he got home from his mission, he went to the high school show choir performance, Jive, with a friend. It was the end of my senior year. They sat close to the front, dead center. We hadn't talked or anything. From on stage I totally caught him staring at me and we locked eyes multiple times. Went home and told my mom about it. It freaked me out a little. Shortly after, he asked me out. I said no. I'm lucky he asked again 2 years later.
Me: night person. Shane: morning person. We don't understand why one person can't be more like the other. We both try. We both fail.
We grew up in the same ward in Twin Falls. Were we friends? No. Did we ever think twice about each other growing up? Nope. Funny how things change.
He tells me that I'm beautiful everyday. Always.
I let him buy an old go-kart to restore(that's pretty much the equivalent of him telling me I'm beautiful!).

I love this man with my whole heart. He is my most favorite person and the only one I want to share all of the ups and downs with. He knows me and understands me. He knows me so well, in fact, that he agreed that instead of a weekend getaway full of romantical things, he would woo me with a new oven. Flat top. Easy to clean. Talk about living a fairy tale!

TREK

2011-08-16T14:29:00.008-06:00

Since January, we have attended meetings, gone to training, and participated in lots of various activities all in preparation of this summer's Pioneer Trek. It always seemed SO far away. And now it's over. I still can't believe it.

I've struggled to know how to blog this experience. I just don't feel like I can do it justice. It is something that you simply must experience for yourself. I, fortunately, did have the opportunity to go on a trek as a youth. I was twelve, maybe thirteen. Shane went on the same trek. He remembers much more than I do. See...we had to kill chickens and then eat them for dinner. That single event is really the only thing I remember. Guess it was that...traumatic! Thankfully, the "trek experience" has changed quite a bit since then. It is now much more organized with very specific experiences and events that are re-created. Amazing experiences. And the killing of chickens is no longer happening. Good thing...otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to go!
Meet our children: Jeremy, Chris, Gideon, Megan, Becca, Madeline, Garren, and Kolbie. Aren't they a good-looking bunch? Each family had 8 to 10 kids. We were organized into families back in March and from that time on, met with them about once a month. I made them a delicious breakfast (that all agreed was better than their real mothers'. Winning them over with FOOD!). We made a family banner for the back of our handcart, hiked Table Rock, participated in a service project, decorated our buckets, square danced, had a game night, and an ice cream social. It was great. The stake made sure to really mix people up so this gave us the chance to get to know each other, well before the actual trek. Our kids were awesome. We lucked out.

1st things 1st. Set up camp. Look at that handsome Pa!

BEHOLD THE BANNER! The kids decided on the "Tucker Titans" as our family name and our company color was orange. Not bad eh?

The whole fam just before hitting the trail on the first day. Eager, anxious, & excited to get moving. Everyone had a skip in their step.

The boys. The 3 older boys were AmAZinG! We just called them our oxen. They were such beasts! So strong. They took their spots up front and never gave them up. That's where they wanted to be...100%. We didn't hear one complaint out of any of them. Once we got going on the first day Shane asked them how long they could keep up their quick pace. Chris answered immediately, "All day." And he wasn't kidding. Talk about endurance. Shane and I had to give each other a little high-five to celebrate our strong sons.

The girls were just as impressive. They all got along well and were total troopers. Pulled their weight and sang their way on the trail. Notice Megan holding our baby. The family gave her the name of Lucy Bucket Tucker...kids called her BLT for short. Inside story.

See...our oxen team! The weather on the first day was awesome. Couldn't have been better. It was overcast and breezy. We all enjoyed it while it lasted.
The first day was also the day of our river crossing. It was waist deep, had a swift current, and ice cold. It was much more difficult than I had expected. It chilled you right to the bone. After we crossed we had someone tell us the details of the Sweetwater river crossing that the saints experience in the dead of winter. We were reminded of the men who carried women and children across and ultimately gave up their lives. As we turned around to cross it again, we did so in silence. Men and boys were asked to carry women and girls across if they were able and while we crossed, two young women played "Be Still My Soul" on their violins. It was a tender experience. I can't imagine doing what they did. It was hard in the heat of the summer.

There were 32 families total. Quite the group! It was pretty awesome to see the mile-long train of handcarts.

The first day ended with some square dancing. I forget how fun square dancing is. Anyone can do it and you can't help but to yelp and "yee-haw" while dancing. Even Shane enjoyed it and he hates to dance!

DAY 2

After a long sleep-less night...I mean a blissful & rest-full night.

Right off the bat on our second day, we had a minor mis-hap. There were some ginormous pot holes in the trail and while the cart bounced into one, all the weight of the cart landed on Megan's knee. She was pushing in the back and it got her pretty good. She was our oldest and strongest daughter so to have this happen in the first 10 minutes of our 12 mile day was not good. She reluctantly rode in the cart a good portion of the morning and fortunately, she was able to push through the rest of the day okay.
On the 2nd day we also said good-bye to our lovely overcast weather and said hello to the blistering sun. They made us double the amount of water that we carried in our cart for that day. We had 100 pounds of just water. And we carried Megan for a bit.
Our oxen were not phased.

Like I said, blistering sun! Oh man, I have never sweat like this in my whole entire life!!! We would stand there, doing nothing and just DRIPPED with sweat. Our bonnets and hats were great at protecting us from getting burned but they also completely trapped in the heat. We all resorted to dumping water over our heads every couple of miles...welcomed relief!

On top of it being over 100 degrees, 80% of our trail was uphill.

Our little Garren-Man. Garren is barely 12 and weighs 60 pounds. This trek was tough on him. I think he was the most proud when it was all said and done.

After 6 miles of straight uphill, all of the men were called on missions and had to leave their families. All of the women sat and listened to a woman talk about her experience with the priesthood in her life and learned at the end of her remarks that she had lost her husband in a plane crash just 3 years ago. She never thought she'd be left alone and she is still trying to just put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. There was also a beautiful musical number that I sat and bawled my eyes out through the whole thing.
We then experienced the "women's pull." The women were asked to climb the steepest hill of the entire trail alone, without their men. It was a little terrifying. I just pictured our cart tumbling backwards back to the bottom. We were one of the first 3 carts to start walking. As we got near the top, the men lined each side of the trail and with their hats off, quietly sang "Come, Come Ye Saints." They watched their families struggle and were unable to help. I was shocked to look up and see most of them in tears.
It was so amazing to watch as girls that had just reached the top with their sisters, completely out of breathe, run back down to help those still moving up the hill. One was a Ma in my company who was 14 weeks pregnant. I just cried as I watched her power through that experience and help others who were struggling in the process. No one knew that she was pregnant. Just having her in my company as fellow Ma was, for me, a tender mercy.
As the final handcart topped the hill, the women spontaneously started to sing "As Sisters in Zion." It was amazing.
Later that day, everyone received letters from home and we honored those who died at Rocky Ridge. As we covered those who had passed away with a white cloth we talked about the Atonement as our own personal cover and protection. And more beautiful music was shared.
That long, long, hot day ended with a testimony meeting. Everyone was beaten down, exhausted, and nursing blisters. Despite what everyone was feeling physically, sweet testimonies were shared.
And I'm happy to report that the 2nd night really was a blissful and rest-full night (thanks to ear plugs).

DAY 3: Trail of Trials. Every 10 minutes we experienced a different trial. The effects of the trial lasted for the rest of the days hike, about 5 miles. We started the day by being robbed. Indians and hunters stole food, water, and even babies. We lost some personals but kept our baby (thanks to Madeline who hid BLT quite well.)
We then read about the woman who became snow-blind because of the fierce winds and snow. The person with the word "faith" on their wrist band then became snow blind. For us, it was Becca. She remained blindfolded without her site for the rest of the day.

Next was the story about the boy who got caught under the handcart and had his back broken from the wheel. Kolbie was the one who was then unable to walk and had to ride in the handcart the remainder of the time.

So many lost their shoes on the trail and in the snow and had to continue on barefoot in 19 inch snow. Madeline and Garren lost their shoes and socks.
Madeline rode in the cart for awhile and we made Garren some duct tape shoes. He reluctantly walked in duct tape! Kolbie then let Madeline wear her shoes for the last 2 miles.

We then read about the mother who buried her baby in a shoe box and left it on the trail. It was hard to even read out loud. Lucy died. We made a little "grave" out of rocks and gave her a little memorial service. The kids didn't want to just walk away from her. Sad.
Then the "death pull." Every family had members die. We walked the remainder of the time without them (they left with a different group) and we were reunited with them at camp. Megan died. It's amazing that after only 3 days how tight you can get. It was sad for these kids to lose Megan...even for that short time. We made up a song for her and sang it too her when we saw her again. So on the walk back to camp we had one who was blind and needed guidance, 2 riding in the cart, one walking in duct tape and one who left us completely. It was a tough couple of miles.

But we made it!!!!!!

We kept talking about how we can do hard things! These 3 days were stinkin' HARD. So much more difficult than I had anticipated. Shane and I thought we were ready. We weren't and we paid for it. One gal in our ward who runs marathons and is super active and fit said that it was the hardest thing she's ever had to do, physically. That helped me feel validated a little! And man, we all smelled so, so, SO bad! That bus ride home was long and smelly.

I still can't stop thinking about this whole thing. It sounds all cheesy but it really was life changing. Amazing. Everyone needs to do this at some point. And how awesome and memorable for the youth. Such a wonderful thing for them to experience. My appreciation for and perspective of those early saints has completely changed. I am in awe at their faith and testimonies. All they cared about was following the prophet and doing what the Lord asked of them, no matter the cost. They knew that the Lord was aware of them and moved forward, without fear. They knew that the gospel was worth the sacrifice, even their lives.
I am not convinced that I would have been one of those faithful women. I'm pretty sure I would have sat on my rear and waved them good-bye. But I do know that I can have faith as I live each day of my luxury-filled life, and try today to be the woman the Lord would have me be. I also know that today's trial can be tomorrow's testimony. Keeping that in mind makes it all a little easier.
I am so glad that Shane put his foot down and said, "We are doing this!" when we were first given the call. I feel so blessed.

Independent

2011-08-10T14:09:00.002-06:00

This little man dressed himself this morning and couldn't have been prouder. I was right along side him giving him a big ol' high-five. Sometimes he and his brother just want me to do everything for them and I'm trying to get them to try a little harder to do things all by themselves. I felt horrible correcting what he did...I let him run around the house all morning long before turning his shirt around.

A few other tidbits about Carson as an almost 4 year old:

His love for people is only getting stronger. He has absolutely no fear and full-heartedly believes that everyone he sees is his very best bosom buddy. If you get the privilege of meeting Carson in person, be prepared for these most important questions that will be asked of you immediately. "Was your name? Was your car (wants to know the make)? What colors your eyes? Want to come to my house?" Those are always the first questions among many asked. Just today on our bike ride he saw a woman and 3 children out in their garage. He stopped his bike and asked, "Where's your dad? followed by, You want to come ride in my jeep?" At church he walks down the halls and invites everyone he passes to his house. I am always informed of the huge gathering that he has personally organized. How can you not melt for a little person who is so concerned about everyone surrounding him?

This is why he has many admirers.

Carson as a preschooler is going to be an interesting sight. He has more energy than he knows what to do with, and just the thought of what must be going on in his little brain makes me tired! He absolutely cannot hold still to save his life (the thought of him in the upcoming primary program has me sweating bullets). This next year will be a big one for him. Honestly, if he doesn't get himself kicked out of his preschool class, it will have been a success and worth the money!!!

Love my Carson.

Making Memories

2011-08-07T22:16:00.003-06:00

Hmmm...where to start? I mentioned that we would be losing our date night buddies. Sore subject. We are all in mourning. Our dear friends Nate & Desi are off on a new adventure. I really want to be happy for them but I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself. I'll get to the happy-for-them stage later.

Desi and I go way back. She took piano from my aunt and had my cousins as friends back in Kansas as a child years before becoming my neighbor. Small world. Years in the same Ward. High School. Wedding receptions. All the good stuff. Having her as a neighbor again for the past year has been awesome, to say the least. It's been so fun to re-connect at this stage in life, and I want them to move back tomorrow.

We had a final date night before they drove away in the moving van...but this time we went without the kids. We wanted to do something fun. Something more than just dinner out (which is my most favorite thing). Shane has been all go-kart talk for awhile now so the men humored him and went along with some go-kart racing, sadly not on Shane's kart. Soon people, soon. We headed to Fast Lane. As you can imagine, it was a success. The husband's got their fill of speed, competition, and felt like race car drivers for a night. The wives did their duty as supportive cheerleaders. And the best part, delicious food prepared & cleaned up by someone other than myself. Shane is still trying to get me pumped up to go back and have my own adrenaline rush of a race. Not quite convinced I want to wear the head gear. You can see why. :)

Head sock=check. Neck brace=check. Helmet=check.

Isn't this the funniest picture? Shane has been growing a beard in preparation for our Trek, but with the helmet all you see is the Stache. Reminds me a little too much of Napoleon's buddy Pedro.

The human podium in head socks. Awesome.

Great people. Great activity. Great night. I really do wish them all the best. They deserve it. Cade and Carson told me today that after naps they were going to California to play with Jack. We just might have to do that. Hit Disneyland. Thanks for being our friends. We sure love you.

Date Night Swap

2011-07-29T21:14:00.002-06:00

Movie night after a fun evening in the sprinklers. Sadly, this is our last swap night with these kiddos. They are moving in 5 days. It has been awesome, to say the least. We are dreading "good-bye."

Family Night

2011-07-27T20:28:00.006-06:00

Blurry picture (darn). But it still shows off Shane's skills.

The Huszar's have taken us boating every summer for the last 4 years (has it really been that long?!). They always know how to show us a good time and we are so grateful to them for allowing us and our monsters on their boat. The night was perfect. HOT. Smooth water. Great company. Fun music. Well behaved kids. Yep. Pretty much perfect!

Carson's favorite seat in the boat...Captain!

Cade & Emery shared a seat the whole night. Little buddies.

I'm a wimp when it comes to cold water. Big wimp. The fact that I went without the wet suit shows just how great the weather was.

The dad sportin' my sunglasses while I was in the water. He's so fashionable.

Cade got brave. It lasted only a couple of minutes but he owned that cold water!

Little boys thought they were hilarious as they tried to push Shane into the water. He kept reminding them that he would pull them in with him. I don't think they understood!

Even at the end of the night, Jake looked like this. He is such a happy, sweet little babe. Loved cuddling him. Thanks to Jason & Christy for showing us how family night is done!

Happy Friday

2011-07-22T13:11:00.002-06:00

Cade is showing off his ginormous muscles!

We are excited about the weekend!

Bedroom Facelift

2011-07-18T15:51:00.006-06:00

My bedroom has needed some TLC for, well, for forever! It's always the last place to get attention, isn't it? No one sees it...that's why. But you want it to be your own little sanctuary and that's where our bedroom wasn't up to snuff. Instead of bringing feelings of peace, tranquility, and endless bliss...sitting in my room started my insides on fire and made want to stab my eye with a pencil. Exaggerating only a little. Unfortunately, I failed to take good "before" pictures. Just imagine a room with green walls and a mis-matched EVeRyThINg else! No room and a "catch-all" for too many random things. This has been an outstanding project for a long time, mostly because I couldn't figure out what the heck I wanted the end result to be. For some reason, inspiration didn't come and I had like 5 different pictures in my head of what the "perfect" room would be (for me). I slowly started buying new things hoping to pull it together: paint, bedspread, furniture, decor, and a new ceiling fan.

Lindsay made the long drive to Boise and helped me make it happen. We had a BLAST. It seriously was so fun and when all was said and done, we were high-fiving eachother every time we walked into the room. It is laughable to think about how many times we rearranged the room to make sure we had it just right. I am still doing the happy dance as I sit in my blissful, personal heaven!

BEHOLD (and really...the pictures just don't do it justice but...whatcha gonna do:

This desk is a craigslist find and one of my most favorite furniture pieces EVER.

The previous fan was a 20 year old white piece of work. It had to go. The new one warms up the room so well. I love it. P.S. we also painted the ceiling.

A big shout out to Lindsay. Sisters are the best. I wish everyday that we were neighbors! We had a great couple of days: worked are tails off, stayed up late, laughed 'til we cried, and tried our best to not neglect our children in the process. Can't wait until next time!

Still to do: window treatment. Still brewing over it.

Halloween Revisited

2011-07-14T22:23:00.004-06:00

See Cade's little penguin booties? He kept calling them flip flops and then talked all about how they are snow shoes. I think someone's a little confused!

Pretending like today was Halloween entertained these boys all morning long. They just looked at each other and laughed like crazy. It was awesome! They wore the turtles when they were almost 1 and the penguins when they were almost 2. Can you believe that? They are now counting down the days until it is actually Halloween day. They have lots of days to count!

4th Festivities

2011-07-05T14:13:00.007-06:00

As the kids get older, holidays just get better. We had such a great time celebrating Independence Day this year. We even bought our own fireworks (to me, that feels like a new level of parenthood...weird)! We started the day off at our annual tri-ward pancake breakfast and bike parade. We got the bikes all decorated and had a great time. Before going to bed, both Carson and Cade said that it was their favorite part of the day. Their bikes are their whole world right now so it didn't surprise me. Notice that they are both on big boy bikes. Carson finally decided to pedal...his eyes have been opened! :)

Carson lost a balloon mid-morning.

Then we headed downtown to the parade...a first for us. It was much better than I thought it would be and the boys were so into it. I just sat and got all sweaty. Holy hot!

We sat right in front of the Capitol Buiding...so fitting.

Stephanie's family joined us...

The bagpipes were my favorite part of the parade. They were so awesome!!!

It was so cute to see the kids with their little flags. From start to finish, I don't Cade ever stopped waving it.

And Carson made sure he waved his hand to everyone. They've got this parade thing down!!!

After the parade, we all took naps. The boys played in the backyard for over 3 hours in their pool and sprinklers and asked every 10 minutes if it was dark yet. They knew what was coming!

Steph's amazing cookies. This is a talent I absolutely do not have!!! They were delicious.

We ended the night with fireworks. We set off our own and also watched the show put on by the city. I'm so grateful for freedom. We are so fortunate to know no other way. Our blessings are bounteous. God bless the U.S.A.

Living the Life!

2011-07-03T13:05:00.006-06:00

The boys had a little get away without me and got to spend a couple of days with my parents in Twin...their favorite place. Grandpa took them on lawn mower rides, they rode bikes, ran through the sprinklers, visited Shoshone Falls, ate at Cafe Rio, played with cousin Chandler, and went to Art in the Park. What more could you want?! Here is a little piece of their Heaven.

Nerd Alert!

2011-06-22T20:51:00.002-06:00

"Look Mom, we're ready to go to the pool!"
You aren't going to lose these two at the pool!
Tonight was the trial run for the new life jackets. They. Were. Awesome! Lots of buoyancy but they could still easily float on both their stomach and back without feeling awkward. They loved them...thought they were cool. And I'm feeling much more at ease knowing that if my Carson-Man takes off running like Dash and jumps in, he won't die. Yep, that's a good feeling.

So, if you see us at the pool, will you be embarrassed to say hi?! :)

On the 1st day of SuMMeR!!!

2011-06-22T15:25:00.005-06:00

2011-06-20T15:25:00.002-06:00

This is a picture of the picture that Shane got yesterday. It's what our primary did for Father's Day this year. Love it.

The Big Mountain

2011-06-20T14:02:00.007-06:00

Just after getting started. We have talked for forever about braving Table Rock with our boys but had yet to do it. We have both hiked it, just not with Cade and Carson. Enough was enough and we set foot on the trail. Table Rock is a well-known hiking spot in Boise. It takes you to the cross that many have seen. The foothills are pretty much in our backyard, so we have no excuse not to get out and enjoy them. This hike is not like Mt. Borah or anything but it is not for the faint of heart. And I'm happy to report that we all made it! The boys took us by surprise. They did awesome! Trucked up that trail like it was nothin'...taking three times as many steps as the adults. It was great. Beautiful weather. Beautiful scenery. We did end up with some scraped knees, hands and elbows but nothing life-threatening. And despite the bumps and owies, they kept going. Such a great life lesson, right?! The boys are still talking about how they climbed the "big, big mountain." So proud of themselves.

Still close to the bottom but well on his way...

We went with this cute family. They had gone once before with their gang and assured us ours could do it. Their kids are angels to mine. They just make me happy.

The kids were so funny, looking for bugs and sticks, rocks and treasures. Sage kept calling herself "the clues girl."

We decided to stop at the rock quarry for a well-deserved treat. We made doughnuts. Shane's little trick. It was awesome and they were delicious...re-fueled everyone before heading back down.

Look where Carson got himself...scary!

Eating the goods.

Sugar lips

Unfortunately, we didn't get a good picture before heading back down. It took us a total of about 3 1/2 hours....give or take. The boys were exhausted and went straight to bed when we got home (perfect!).

We went again the following weekend with our Trek Family. I take for granted where we live...to have so many great things to do outside and so close. It's been great to get out and enjoy it. Good for the soul.

"My Dad is Awesome!"

2011-06-12T11:17:00.005-06:00

Shane+Amy+Carson+Cade+PJs+Backyard+Tent+Blankets+Pillows+TV+Movie+Popcorn=

FRIDAY NIGHT FUN!

Kart pictures

2011-06-11T20:52:00.003-06:00

One Man's Junk

2011-06-11T15:39:00.002-06:00

Shane speaking here - I don't frequently post, but occasionally I have to spread good news and this is as good of a venue as I can get.

If you know me well then you know that I like junk. I love thrift stores, garage sales, junkyards, auctions and Craigslist. I find value in items that others consider worthless. Another love of mine is things that go vrooom. I love cars, bikes and anything mechanical, though I have really owned very few things of that nature. Finally, I love a good project. I'm generally more interested in starting projects than finishing them, but I like a good challenge to research, plan and carryout.

Today the stars aligned and the perfect trifecta occurred.

Today was our neighborhood's annual garage sale day. Dozens of garage sales scattered throughout the subdivision. I found the diamond in the rough. A go-kart. Not just any go-kart (I'll explain later), but even any go-kart is a pretty rare find at a garage sale. The seller and I negotiated a bit (after my third trip to the sale) and I finally ended up with an ugly old go-kart and motor that isn't attached (but suposedly runs).

So there you have it, in one swoop I got a motorized object, a project and a screaming deal all at once. I am beyond excited.

I am not sure where this project will end up. Our boys are too young, I am too old and we simply don't have the space to keep it. I may try to get it running, clean it up and get my money back.

Our family had a go-kart when I was younger and we drove the wheels off the thing. Finding this gem brings back some great memories.

Here are the key specs for any gear heads out there:

It's an older frame that rides very low to the ground. Has two motor mounting plates (i.e. could take two motors). It's two-wheel drive with a drum brake on the rear axle (donuts?). The tires are old slicks almost identical to the final tires on our family go kart. The motor is a 2hp Briggs and Stratton. It looks like it has been set up as direct drive (no clutch) so I am interested to see how that works out.

I've got lots of work to do.

Happy & Sad

2011-06-03T14:31:00.006-06:00

These boys definitely try to ham it up to get what they want these days. These pictures with their facial expressions say it all.

This is the face I regularly get from Carson when he wants to show me just how sad he is. Cracks me up. Sometimes he really goes over the top and squints his eyes so that they are almost completely shut. And he loves nothing more than to be validated in his feelings so I be sure to comment on his extreme sadness.

When Cade demonstrates his sadness, he slumps his shoulders over and moups around the house. This is him trying to act it out.

Then he wanted to show me his happy faces.

Sad brothers...

I love you boys to the moon and back!

Randoms

2011-05-29T21:02:00.006-06:00

What a crazy busy week. I'm so happy to be starting a new one. Feels like a fresh start after last week. But it was a good busy. We had a first for the boys. We took them to a salon to get their hairs cut. They were pretty shaggy and every time we cut their hair it's a tramatic event. I'm happy to report that we made it out of there in 15 minutes without any tears shed. Totally worth it!

Cade was a little on edge and on the verge of tears the whole time but he stayed strong. He got all shy and didn't say a word to either gal. Carson, on the other hand was his usual chatter-box self and made some new best friends. So fun to see their personalities come out when they interact with others in the outside world.

The middle of my week was filled with my spring piano recital. Man I'm glad it's over and done! It's fun and rewarding but a lot of work and stressful. My students did great and I was reminded of how much I enjoy teaching.
I decided to prepare something to play this time around, which made it that much more stressful. Performing just gets harder and harder. I hate that. I was literally sick to my stomach the entire day. But I'm glad I did it. It forces me to practice pieces that are more technically challenging. And the longer I go without playing solos the harder it gets so I decided to take the opportunity. This time around I choose something short and sweet and fun...to keep the students interested. I mean, who doesn't love Gershwin?! Wasn't perfect but it wasn't a complete bomb either.

I'm anxious for the 2 week break before summer lessons take over!

The rest of my week was filled with practicing music like crazy for a funeral. Funerals are hard but I was happy to help and for the sweet spirit that was felt.

Now that things are calming down, it's time for me to buckle down and finally get my bedroom painted. I've been putting it off for forever. It's time.

I love colors, how about you?!

2011-05-27T22:44:00.007-06:00

Cavity Free

2011-05-27T22:33:00.003-06:00

The Centers Of It All

2011-05-19T15:13:00.001-06:00

Wicked-ness

2011-05-19T14:49:00.003-06:00

It all started with this little number. My friend and I decided it would be fun to make our Wicked debut via Ward Talent Show. But we added our own little twist. We were brave and had a great time.
Be kind. It's not perfect.

After much practice to learn the song on my part, it made sense that my boys ended up knowing the song word-for-word. They belt it and sing their hearts out. Here's a little preview. Carson was being a stinker and didn't want to participate much in front of the camera.

The timing of it all couldn't have been more perfect since we would be seeing Wicked 2 weeks later. I listened to the music like crazy beforehand and haven't let up since the show. To say that is was amazing is an understatement. We had awesome seats and soaked it all in. I still can't stop thinking about it. I want to see it again RIGHT NOW! To witness talent like that makes me emotional. Sometimes I think...why couldn't I have gotten just a little more of that?! Is that so much to ask?

It was a great day with my family and experiencing it with Shane made it the best.

Out for a Walk

2011-04-29T13:26:00.002-06:00

Cade decided to walk his grashopper instead of riding his bike.

Cute & Happy Boys!

A part of me...

2011-04-25T14:05:00.005-06:00

I'm not quite sure what I even want to say. I've been on the fence for months about blogging on this particular subject, for multiple reasons. I don't want it to come out the wrong way. I don't want a pity party. I don't want to seem ungrateful. I do, however, want to let it out. I do want to help and support others. I do want to use my voice for good, and I cannot do that without opening myself up and sharing, which we are repeatedly encouraged to do.

This week is "National Infertility Awareness Week." Did you know it had it's own designated week? Neither did I. It's a little funny to me. I know it's good to educate others and to become educated ourselves and this is what it does. And it did prompt me to post...seemed fitting. But I also don't want to put a stamp on my forehead that says, "Hey...look at me. I'm sad because my ovaries are a little confused, which makes it difficult to have babies." I don't want that label. I don't want it to define me, but it is a part of my life. It is a little (sometimes feeling like a large) part of me. It is there...always in the back of my mind. No matter how hard I try to push it away and pretend that it's not, it is still there.

I know I'm not alone. FAR from it. It affects 1 in 6 American couples. That's a lot. And I know many of you who have also experienced this is some way or another. For me, it's something that I became aware of quite awhile ago. It's not something new. I knew as a junior in high school that this was something that would be in my future. The issue reappeared during my first year of college and then again when I was newly married. Even though it's not a recently discovered struggle for me, 7 years later it still feels fresh. And that is what is so hard about it.

Just a little more history. After 4 years of working with doctors, I got pregnant with my twins through the means of InVitro Fertilization (IVF). IVF was a last resort and came only after multiple failed attempts through various other means.

But it wasn't all doom and gloom during those years. SO many great things also happened. Shane and I both finished our education, part of which was the opportunity that came to me to study with an amazing piano teacher at BSU, Del Parkinson. That, in and of itself made those years wonderful for me. We then both started great jobs, got ourselves well-established in a wonderful ward, and spent our time enjoying our simple and gratifying marriage. That time for Shane and me is sacred. Time that we would never give back, and the blessings we received were numerous.

During my pregnancy and for a small period of time after the boys were born, I felt like the issue, naturally, went away. Of course it did. We were busy celebrating our two babies and busy trying to feed two babies! Those babies are now working their way to becoming the cutest preschool-going 4-year-olds ever!!! We are still celebrating our two babies and will for forever.

We thought that after having our boys that the issue might resolve itself, but we are still waiting. At the beginning of the year, after months of preparation and due to the miraculous prayers and help from loved ones, we were able to attempt IVF once again. We couldn't have felt better about it. In our eyes, the stars aligned. Valentine's Day was our celebration day...the day that the blood work would be confirmed. I got the much anticipated phone call to be informed that it had been unsuccessful. That day is still so fresh. My heart is still aching. Will that ever go away? I'm not so sure that it will. I know that the Lord loves me and that He is aware of my struggles. I know that I am not alone or left without comfort. My testimony and faith are not shaken. But we are still allowed to feel pain and disappointment. That knowledge doesn't stop those feelings from coming...in any trial that we experience in this mortal life. And I don't believe that we should push those feelings aside, feeling guilty that we feel hurt, anger and disappointment. I believe that the Lord wants us to own those feelings and then turn them over to Him and allow ourselves to be comforted and healed. That is the beauty of the Atonement.

I wish I could just see the big picture NOW! Life is hard that way. Shane and I are faced with some difficult decisions right now and I feel like I struggle in receiving answers. I've been thinking a lot about Elder Bednar's talk given in General Conference about receiving personal revelation and am trying to do better in that regard. How grateful I am for inspired leaders. I am still blown away by the words spoken in General Conference that seemed to be prepared only for me. I cannot imagine facing this mortal experience without the knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father. I am grateful for my faith and my testimony.

I have so much to be grateful for. I know that things could be so much worse. So much harder. That so many have suffered in such greater ways. That is why I can also work to comfort those around me and mourn with those who are mourning. To look beyond myself and strive to serve others. I know the power of this because of the love and service that have been given in my behalf. The Lord has surrounded me with His love through the love of amazing individuals.

Despite the hurt that still lingers, the love of the Lord is felt.

Baby Love

2011-04-22T22:04:00.006-06:00

Jake is nearly 2 weeks old and I finally got to meet him! About dang time! I've been dying to hold this little one but it was put on hold because of sickness. Now that we are finally on the mend, we got to spend the evening with Jason & Christy and their 3 boys! Meet Jake...

Man, Christy is one wonder-woman-mom! She now has three boys all under three! To say that she has her hands full is an understatement. But if anyone can do it, she can. She is such a strong woman and these boys are blessed to have her.

And I had to include Owen. He is one of my favorites and these pictures are too cute not to share. He is the newest BIG brother.

Our drive to and from their house was especially fun. Carson and Cade are so observant on commented on the beautiful mountains, rivers, tree tunnels, and elk...which were everywhere. See for yourself!

We are so excited for Jason & Christy. We sure love them.

All Growed Up

2011-04-13T21:22:00.002-06:00

Wow these boys are cute! They have been wanting hats to wear so I finally caved and got them $2 hats from Ross. Cade thinks he's actually Lightning McQueen in his hat and drove himself around the house all day today. They are in love...and man, they just look so grown up. Not babies. Not toddlers. Boys! Big Kids. It's weird. I miss their baby-look. But then I have priceless conversations with my big kids and just melt.

Tonight, they both went to beds in their hats. They always chose one thing/toy to sleep with. Tonight, they both went with hats. Made my day.

Emma Smith

2011-04-09T11:41:00.001-06:00

I am touched by Emma Smith. She is inspiring. No one would have endured and experienced all that she and those around her did for personal glory or gain. I am buoyed up by their faith and testimony. Certainly I can endure my own personal trials and move forward with faith as I follow their examples and put my trust in the Lord.

Behold...

2011-04-07T12:59:00.002-06:00

We found this beauty at DI for $1.50 a couple of months ago. Only, it was fully intact. This thing is slowly falling apart, wheel by wheel. It is also short a door and front grill. This Hummer has captured Carson's heart and he has shown it lots of tough love. I keep waiting for him to lose interest in it, seeing how it only has one wheel left but he still scoots it across the carpet everyday like it's brand new. The broken-ness hasn't phased him one bit.

SO, Carson has issues with going #2 in the diaper right when he wakes up. I try to grab him as soon as I hear him awake in his room to put undies back on and deed is ALWAYS done. He's sneaky. Lately, we have been harder on the consequences of him going in his pants. The time-out isn't enough to change his behavior at this point, so I've been thinking about something that might be more meaningful to him. My answer: that dang wheel-less "black jeep" as he calls it. It now goes in to "time-out" when he does his business in his pants and he doesn't get it back until he goes in the potty. It is working! It's just funny to me that this is what he cares about. I have felt tempted to throw that thing away countless times. Little did I know that it would be the key to solving such a stinky issue.

Recipes

2011-03-29T12:42:00.003-06:00

I've tried a few new recipies and wanted to share them! I posted them on a recipe blog. Go HERE to check them (and others) out.

Things I Love.

2011-03-25T15:25:00.006-06:00

Nap time! My boys still regularly nap. I'm not quite sure how I'll cope without this sacred time. So far this nap session I've painted a DI find, watched a show on hulu, washed dishes, and am now blogging. Nap time keeps me happy.
3 year old conversations. Today I listened as the boys were rehashing part of our day yesterday. Carson reminded Cade how he didn't listen to Mommy. It went like this:

Carson: Cade you dint listen. You go in road on bicycle. Cade das a big no no.

Cade: I do listen I do! Stop talking me.

Carson: Cade you dint listen so no en-mems (M&Ms).

Cade: YES en-mems! Stop talking me Carson!

I love it when I take the time to make a weekly meal plan. Last week was so successful in regards to the dinner department all because of that. I'm not good at consistently doing this but I love it the times I do it. I have a few good recipes that I need to pass along.
When the Daddy comes home. All is brighter in this household once he walks in the door. The boys act like it's Christmas morning every time. What a nice thing for him to come home to everyday. Too bad it is usually coupled with a grumpy me. By this time everyday, I'm just done...thus the light at the end of the tunnel once he walks through the door. The other night he set up a small shelter/tent in the backyard. On family night, the lesson took place in the tent...in the rain. As you can imagine, the boys loved it. It is still up and the fun of it hasn't quite worn off yet. Love these three. P.S. Our FHE lesson started with a prompted conversation about Jesus, which Cade somehow interpreted into Santa bringing presents to our house. Nice.

I'm not a huge fan of rain, but I do love what comes with it. Rainbows really are awesome.

Having Twins. A lot of the time the past 3 1/2 years I think and talk about how difficult twins can be. I don't think I say enough how grateful I am to have my 2 boys. And even more than that...that they came together. What an enormous blessing. They would be beyond bored without the other. This morning they played in the backyard together. They were pushing each other on the swings and taking turns being silly on the slide. All while I got ready for the day (with my window open!). So fun to watch them enjoy each other. I feel grateful everyday that these two came at the same time.
A fenced backyard! Do I need to even expound? And yesterday we took a 3 block bike ride to the elementary school playground. Awesome. And one more block over is the pool that we will soon be frequenting. And one more block over is a ginormous soccer field where you can run to your heart's desire. I just love where I live. Really love.
Good books. Losing yourself in someone else's world is awesome! It brings great entertainment along with perspective and enlightenment. Have you ever been in a book club? They are also awesome. It's fun to all read the same book...share the excitement. And then you get to talk endlessly about things/topics that otherwise wouldn't come up in an everyday conversation. I love reading good books and I love being in a book club.
The other night we were talking to the boys about who their twin is? They can easily say that they are twins but don't quite understand what that means. They are starting to answer correctly when we ask them who their twin is. One night I asked, "Who's Daddy's Twin?" Cade quickly responded, "Mommy!" Made me smile. I love that 3 year old perspective. I could benefit from looking at life through their eyes a little more.

And...nap time is now over.
Until next time.

Get Your Singing On!!!

2011-03-23T13:44:00.002-06:00

Flying his bird while singing "Blue Bird."
Playing the violin.

And the cello.

This boy was there too...being a stinker!

Good thing he's so darn cute!

Solos

2011-03-23T13:27:00.003-06:00

I missed the first few words of Cade's solo. During their music group performance, they each got a chance to sing a solo. It was so funny. Each child had their own style and nervous behavior. Both my boys sang out with excitment. The song is "Hickity Pickity my Black Hen."

Carson's solo.

Today

2011-03-08T21:49:00.002-07:00

Today started off funny. We got ready first thing for the boys' first soccer class. That's right...I'm an official Soccer Mom. Haha! Not quite. What they did today was far from soccer. I'm not really sure what to call it, but it was hilarious.

Cade took some time to warm up to the idea. He can be a little shy. The first half of the class he refused to participate. He was pleasant...and just stood on his little orange marker for about a half hour. Then the obstacle course was pulled out and that got him all excited. After that, he did great. Followed directions really well and had a giant grin across his face. He's just a really nice li'l thing. Today, he did his first successful #2 on the potty. And we all did a little happy dance. He's been potty trained for about a month now but had yet to do his real business like a big boy. Hope this helps him turn that corner. His latest favorite word is "actually." He uses it like 3 times in one sentence. It is the cutest thing ever!

Carson did the opposite. The first half of the soccer class he was over-excited and eager to participate. With my help, he followed directions really well and was in heaven. And he's got a pretty mean dribble for a first-timer. I was impressed! The last half of the class went down hill fast for Carson. He checked out and was a little turd! Hopefully with time he will stay on task for the entire hour. Carson sure loves his Cade these days. He is such a little copy cat and loves to please his brother. He is also still singing "Jingle Bells" and "The First Noel" around the house on a regular basis. Listening to him sing always lights up my day.

I had students tonight. All siblings. I listened to each one explain to me the reasons they weren't able to practice. I tried my best to be understanding (but really feeling super annoyed on the inside). It's like pulling teeth sometimes. It is so nice when they finally get over the whole I-would-rather-be-doing-ANYTHING-else-besides-piano phase.

After piano, I took myself on a date to the grocery store. Romantic, eh? It was. I roamed around and bought stuff I've never bought before...like...fresh parsley, jalepenos, and ginger root. I'm feeling so...cultured?! I have some recipes I'm excited to try. Hopefully they help me out of my dinner rut. I so wish that I had a passion for cooking. But I did feel pretty passionate about food (and pretty awesome about myself!) as I was loading my cart with so many exciting things. Hope I can figure out how to use them all.

Before pulling out of the parking lot, I opened up happiness. I drove home painfully slow just so that I could devour the entire chocolate bar. Heaven.

A day in the life.......